


Sterek RPs, Part 3

by seekeronthepath



Series: Sterek RPs [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Closeted Character, Coitus Interruptus, Communication, Dating, Demisexual Derek, Eichen | Echo House, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hallucinations, Homophobia, Humor, Hurt Stiles, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity Outside of Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Insecure Derek, Insecure Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Miscommunication, Nogitsune Trauma, Omega Verse, One Night Stands, Pining Derek, Pining Stiles Stilinski, Polygamy, Post-Season/Series 03, Rating doesn't lie, Relationship Negotiation, Sharing a Bed, Surprise Kissing, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekeronthepath/pseuds/seekeronthepath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of rps  - new tags for every chapter, capped at ten chapters. Much credit is owed to my fantastic partners in crime, who I unfortunately can't name, although I would if I could.</p><p>Ch 1: Friendship, pre-slash, post-s3, banter, low-key, Derek does woodwork, Scott likes raisins<br/>Ch 2: Established relationship, kind of unhealthy relationship, but they fix it, angst, communication<br/>Ch 3: Post-3A, pre-slash, bed-sharing, pining<br/>Ch 4: Friendship, one night stand with OC, infidelity (by OC)<br/>Ch 5: Established, interrupted sex (not on screen), rating doesn't lie, background Chris/Peter, humor<br/>Ch 6: High school AU, a/b/o, polygamy (alpha/omegas) is normal, mis/communication, relationship negotiation, dating<br/>Ch 7: High school AU; Derek and Stiles have been fooling around, closeted Derek, pining Derek, homophobia<br/>Ch 8: Nogitsune aftermath, hallucinations, angst, Derek is still an alpha, Stiles wants to go back to Eichen House, talk about trauma, implied pining, imperfect resolution, feat. Scott<br/>Ch 9: Pining Stiles, surprise kiss, demi Derek, relationship negotiation, fluff,  feat. Scott<br/>Ch 10: Hurt Stiles, h/c, insecure Stiles, insecure Derek,  feat. Isaac</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The True Alpha? He Likes /Raisins/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles wants to know why Derek gave him a key to the loft. They talk about some stuff.
> 
> Friendship, pre-slash, post-s3, banter, low-key, Derek does woodwork, Scott likes raisins

Why did you leave me a key in my room?

**Why do you think?**

I want to know the right answer, not just wonder about it.

**Because I wanted you to have it, obviously**

Why though?

I mean, you've never given Scott a key, and he's the Alpha. And your loft is basically our Batcave.

**I want you to be able to come over when you want to**

**Even if I'm not there to let you in**

**Scott's different**

You just don't want to admit you like my company.

**No, Scott drives me nuts**

**You're pleasant by comparison**

Charming.

**Why thank you**

Next you'll tell me that you really would rather talk to me than get mauled by a bear.

I think I might swoon.

**I'd even rather talk to you than get mauled by a coyote**

Oh my God.

My heart stuttered.

**If only I were there to hear it**

If only.

**And yet, there you are, at your place, and here I am, at mine**

**A distance that ne'er could be crossed**

So poetic.

**Didn't you know? Poetry's my specialty**

Is that so?

**I have a double major in poetry and glaring**

**I'd have told you if you asked**

Poetry and glaring, impressive.

You must have excelled in your Sourwolf 101 class.

**Straight A's**

Obviously.

**My tutors were very impressed**

**I earned extra credit for an assignment on eyebrows, once**

Not even surprised, you could've passed that course with your eyebrows alone.

**I do have natural talent**

You do.

**It's a Hale thing**

I can believe that, I imagine Cora might be your biggest rival in the glaring department.

**You should have seen Laura when she was pissed**

If it's worse than you when you're pissed then I definitely should not.

**Well she /was/ my alpha**

I know.

**She had to be able to out-glare me**

**She was also my older sister**

**I don't think, as an only child, you can comprehend the scale of the bossing I grew up with**

I can try, but I will most likely fail.

**Let's just say, we always knew she had 'alpha potential', as Mom put it.**

Wow.

**Some people are just like that**

**Like Scott, but in a different way**

**Scott was an awful beta**

True.

**He absolutely hated any kind of submission, accepting anyone else's leadership**

**It took a while for him to adjust to trying to lead others**

But he's a better Alpha than he ever would've been as a beta.

**Yes**

**I was worried he would be an omega**

**This is better**

Yeah, it is

**Whereas Laura...it wasn't that she couldn't follow**

**It's just that she was always, always trying to lead**

Yeah, I get it.

She could follow an order, but she'd rather be the one to give it.

**and she was always...you know that person who, when given a group task by the teacher, then bosses the group around?**

**That was Laura**

**It was fucking annoying when we were little**

I can imagine.

**It's one of the reasons I had so much trouble being alpha, though**

**No one ever imagined I'd need to be**

You were pretty good at it though.

**I wasn't awful, but I wasn't great**

**And it was really hard for me**

**To have that responsibility**

**I tried, but...**

I know.

You did good.

**Thanks**

You're welcome.

And thank you. For everything. Including the key.

**You're welcome, too**

The little box you put it in was pretty cute too.

**I thought you'd like that.**

**I like making things like that**

**It's nice to build something**

Well, you were right.

I'm keeping it too.

I don't know what I'm going to put in it though, since it is kinda small.

I'll figure something out.

**I can make you a bigger one.**

**It's not hard**

You would?

**Sure. Like I said, I like woodwork**

**I do the carving with my claws, you know**

Of course you do.

**I like knowing I can use them for art, not just killing things**

**And I have more control**

Must be awesome to watch.

**I'll show you, if you like**

I like the sound of that.

**Yeah? Want to come look at my etchings, Stiles?**

Hell yeah!

**Seriously, though**

**I turned Isaac's room into a workroom so the sawdust doesn't get into everything, but I still make most of my stuff at the loft**

How much stuff have you made?

**A fair amount**

**I tend to spend more time on the fancy work than the basics, though**

**I can spend a long time on carving the bigger pieces**

**The point's just for me to have something to do**

You are full of surprises, you know that, right?

**Because I have a hidden hobby?**

Because of a lot of things.

**Is that a good thing?**

Yeah, it's a good thing.

**Then I guess I'm glad**

**You've been surprising me for years**

Have I?

**You're not exactly a straight-forward person**

You might have a point there.

**You're a mass of contradictions, Stiles**

**It used to piss me off so much -**

And now?

**Well, they've mostly worked out in my favour**

**So I'm pretty fond of them**

Aww, you just said you're fond of me.

**If you want to take it that way**

I'm taking it that way.

**I suppose I can't stop you**

Stop messing with the sweet moment, Derek.

**I reserve the right to ruin any and all 'moments'**

Reservation denied.

**That's not a thing you can do**

Well, it is now.

**What, you reserve the right to deny my reserving any rights?**

No, I'm exercising my right to deny your moment ruining.

**This is becoming very circular**

It is.

_[delay]_

Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?

**uh...why?**

Cause I really want lasagna, and it's impractical to make lasagna for one.

Plus, my dad's working all night, and he doesn't like lasagna all that much anyway, so.

**okay**

Yeah? Awesome!

**It's not like I like eating alone**

**Cooking for one is depressing, and I always fuck up the proportions**

Yeah, me too.

**Laura was a shitty cook, so I taught myself in self-defense**

**Unfortunately, that means I default to cooking for two werewolves**

**Which is a weird portion size for almost any other purpose**

Ah. See, the best my dad can cook is toast and chili.

So, I either learned to cook or I starved.

Because I love my dad, but almost all of his food is literally inedible.

**How long did it take you to learn?**

I got it pretty quickly, a few months I guess?

I basically bought a crap load of cookbooks and watched nothing but Food Network for weeks.

**Thank god for sympathy casseroles**

Yeah. We got a weird amount of pudding too.

I was so out of it one morning I accidentally ate cake for breakfast.

**Cake for breakfast sounds pretty good, really**

I guess.

But it had raisins in it.

**Ugh**

I know.

**Raisins should not go in sweet things**

Exactly!

**Ideally, raisins should not go in anything, but we live in an imperfect world**

**I'll settle for no raisins in cakes**

Why do we even need raisins?

Grapes were perfectly fine, why anyone thought it would be a good idea to dry them out is beyond me.

**Exactly**

Scott likes raisins.

**Of course Scott likes raisins**

It's one of the many reasons I question his sanity.

**I am completely unsurprised that Scott McCall likes raisins**

**That is entirely consistent with my established impression of him**

He liked them even more now that he's a werewolf too.

Cause he has more tastebuds are something.

**Stiles, I hate to tell you this, but there is something wrong with your best friend**

He ate a raisin once and moaned like it was pizza or something that actually tasted nice, it was horrible.

I know.

I've tried telling him how horrible they are, but he won't listen.

**You know, someday, I'm going to be talking to some supernatural person, and I'll say I'm from Beacon Hills, and they will say, "where the True Alpha lives? what's he like?"**

**And I will say, "He likes /raisins/"**

**And nothing more will have to be said**

That's how I introduced him to my dad.

**You're kidding me**

No, he came over to mine and I said "Hey dad, this is Scott, y'know, the one that likes raisins."

I'm not even kidding, both dad and Scott will back me up.

**That's ridiculous**

It's true though.

**You're ridiculous**

That is also true.

**No one I know is normal**

What about Melissa? Or my dad? They're kinda normal?

**That's true**

**Clearly I should give keys to the loft to them instead**

**Kick you lot out**

You are not getting my key back.

**No?**

Nope.

**Not ever?**

That key is mine now, Sourwolf.

**If you insist**

I do.

**Then I guess I'm not getting it back**

Exactly.

**So, what time should I come over tonight?**

What about 7-ish?

**Sounds good**

Awesome.

**I'll see you then**

See you tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for Stiles and the prompt. Hope you all enjoyed it!


	2. (Not) Hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is starting to wonder why he and Derek are dating at all. Derek didn't realize there was a problem.
> 
> Established relationship, kind of unhealthy relationship, but they fix it, angst, communication
> 
> Stiles on the left; Derek on the right

I'm starting to wonder why we ever got together

That's what I like to hear from the person I'm dating.

Case in point

Do you actually even like me?

As a person?

Of course I do.

Why else would I be dating you?

Because it's just sarcasm and glares all the time, and I'm starting to wonder if we just got so sick of the UST that we ignored our inherent incompatibility

I like you, Stiles. You are sarcastic and sometimes it gets annoying, but I still like you.

Enough to date me, though?

Because we go on dates, but apart from that and the fucking, nothing's changed

I still annoy the hell out of you, and you still treat me like an annoying little shit

You make me happy.

Really?

Yes. And I'm sorry I don't tell you that.

Because, see, I didn't know that. I had no idea.

I'm not good with words.

I know, and I work pretty hard to extrapolate, but...

I'm sorry.

I just...

Fuck

I never expected us to be Scott and Allison, you know?

We're not like that, not as individuals, and not together

But I like to think we're good together.

Are we?

I think we are.

Yeah, well, I wish I could agree with you

Because right now, it hurts

What hurts?

When I think about you, us, it hurts

It feels hollow

And that hurts too

_[delay]_

Open your window.

 

Fuck, Stiles thought, scrubbing wetness from his eyes with the heels of his hands. Of course Derek had showed up. He closed his eyes, swallowed, and took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself. He unlocked and opened the window, and stood aside so Derek could come in. "Hey," he said softly.

Derek slipped easily through the open window and into Stiles' room, closing it behind him. He noticed immediately that Stiles had been crying, the red around his eyes and the smell of his tears in the room giving it away. Derek took a hesitant step closer to him, face a mask of terribly hidden worry as he reached up to cup Stiles' cheek, wipe a stay tear off his face. "I'm sorry." He said softly, not really sure what else to say.

Stiles gulped a breath, then bit his lip, suppressing a sob as he leaned into Derek's caress. He was /not/ going to cry, he thought, but at the same time, the tenderness made him _ache_. He didn't know whether to move closer to Derek or away, to say something or to be silent - all he could do was try not to cry.

Derek shuffled a bit closer to Stiles and brought his free hand to wrap around Stiles' middle, pulling him closer. He wanted to show Stiles what he had a hard time saying with words, hoping that the message would convey right through his actions. Derek leaned in and gently nosed up Stiles' jawline, stopping with his nose behind Stiles' ear where his scent was strong there, taking a deep breath of it.

When Derek nuzzled at his jaw, Stiles couldn't hold it in any longer. This had been building up for weeks, and it hurt, and now Derek was leaning into him, and...Stiles clutched Derek close, an anchor in a storm, and let go, crying into his shoulder, taking the comfort Derek was finally offering.

Derek closed his eyes when he heard Stiles begin to cry again, partially thankful for the hand clutching at his chest but hating the circumstances. He didn't move much as he let Stiles cry, get it out of his system, just continuing to take comfort in his familiar and welcoming scent, rubbing small circles into Stiles' lower back with his thumb, offering any comfort he could.

Eventually, the tears dried up, and Stiles sniffed wetly. "Ugh," he muttered, letting out a half-laugh, "I'm gross. And your shoulder's all wet. Hang on a sec." He found a box of tissues, blew his nose, and scrubbed most of the wetness off his face. "Um. Sorry. That was just..." he trailed off, and shrugged. "Yeah. Sorry," he said again.

Derek shook his head as he watched Stiles, already missing his warmth; he had pulled away when he was done crying, in search of tissues. "It's alright," Derek told him, brow furrowed with his worry. "I'm the one that should be apologizing. It's my fault you were crying." Derek had a feeling Stiles would try and deny that, but he knew it to be true.

Stiles sat on the bed and shrugged. "Not really. I'm just..." he trailed off, making a face. "Weepy and insecure and...can I have another hug please?" he asked plaintively. "I think I really need to be hugging you for this conversation." Being in Derek's arms had just felt so warm and safe and right and...and loved.

Derek didn't hesitate this time as he walked over and sat next to Stiles on the bed, opening his arms to the boy. It felt good to be hugging Stiles, and they sat in silence for a moment as they did so, Stiles tucked securely into Derek's chest, the wolf's nose buried in the boy's hair. "If this is you breaking up with me I'm gonna be pretty disappointed." Derek said after a moment, trying to make a joke but it coming out more like dry sarcasm.

Stiles had melted into Derek's hold, but he flinched a little at his tone when he spoke. He swallowed, and licked his lips, trying to find the right words. "It's not - " his breath hitched, and he tried again. "It's not that I don't want to be with you. It's that I, I don't think I can bear being together the way we are."

Derek didn't reply immediately, instead letting the silence fill around them as he thought of the right thing to say. "I want more of this," He said quietly, trying to gesture to the way they were rather tangled together. "I need it. I need you." Derek didn't really want to admit how much his wolf was loving this, the closeness and the contact and the overwhelming being of Stiles that was right there, and he didn't want to lose it.

Stiles took in a startled breath at Derek's words. "I...me too," he whispered. "I've needed...tenderness." He scrunched up his nose at the word, and tried again. "Closeness. Intimacy. Being together," he suggested instead. "I didn't really...didn't think I was allowed to ask for it," he admitted.

Derek let out a soft huff of laughter at that, rusting Stiles' hair with his breath. "You're allowed to ask for it," He said, tightening his hold on Stiles slightly. Taht admission only made Derek want to let go even less. "And you're allowed to have it. I want to give you what you need."

Stiles made a desperate little noise and clutched Derek tighter. "Then I need...I need you to hold me, not just fuck me," he said. "I need you to touch me, kiss me, when we're together - little things, like a hand on my back or a kiss on my cheek - and not just when we're having sex. I need you to...to let me see that you care about me, and not just in the big moments when you're scared for my life, but every day."

Derek nodded as best he could with Stiles' head under his chin, turning his head to rest his cheek in the boy's soft hair. "I do care about you," He said softly, taking another deep breath. "And I'm sorry I'm so awful at showing it. I guess I'm not used to relationships like this." Derek didn't have a good track record when it came dating, they both knew that, but Stiles was so much more better than all those other mistakes in Derek's past.

"I know," Stiles said hoarsely. "I know and I've been, been trying to make allowances for that, but..." He buried his face in Derek's chest, muffling the words. "I would have hated you eventually, if I didn't stop it. I was starting to feel...like a fuckbuddy, or less. Like I was just convenient for you, and you were keeping me satisfied by taking me on a date now and then."

"I don't want you to feel that way," Derek said softly, closing his eyes as he kept his face in Stiles' hair. "You're so much more than that. And you deserve to be treated like it," He slipped one hand underneath Stiles' shirt, splaying his hand out over the warm skin of Stiles' lower back. "You make me happy, and you make me feel safe. My wolf feels at home with you."

Stiles shivered when he felt Derek's hand on his bare skin - for once, it really did feel like that was all Derek was asking for, just to feel him, and it was so _good_ that Stiles could feel himself tearing up again. "Really?" he asked quietly. "I feel like...like home?"

Derek hummed quietly in response to the question, tuning into his wolf for a moment. "Yeah, you do. You feel like comfort, and...and love," He said quietly, opening his eyes again and bringing himself back to the real world. "And I haven't felt truly loved in a long time. Not like how you make me feel."

"I, I do, you know," Stiles stuttered, turning his head so he could hear Derek's pulse in his chest. "Love you. For a, a while now," he admitted. That's why it had hurt so much, thinking Derek didn't even truly like him in return. It wasn't heart break - it had been like a tear, getting larger and larger as he tugged on it, and harder to repair.

Derek knew Stiles loved him, could feel it when they were together. But actually hearing him say it kind of floored Derek, caught him off guard. "I love you too," He told Stiles, tilting his head down to run his nose along Stiles' temple. "I haven't been good at showing you that. But I do. I love you, Stiles."

Stiles sobbed dryly, just once. "Oh," he murmured wonderingly. Then again: "oh." It shouldn't have been a revelation, shouldn't have hit Stiles like a hammer blow to the chest, shouldn't have made his breath catch and his heart thump and something bright and painful and wonderful well up in his throat. But it did. Derek _loved_ him.

Derek could hear Stiles' heartbeat pick up in the silence that followed his admission. His brow furrowed his worry and he pulled back a bit to look at Stiles' face, confused. "Are you alright?" He asked, eyes searching Stiles' face. "Your heart's racing like a scared rabbit."

Stiles shook his head, then nodded, smiling helplessly. "I didn't know," he whispered. "Derek, I didn't know, that's why." He cast his eyes searchingly over Derek's face, looking for the love he'd never found there before. "You...you really do?" he asked, voice cracking.

Derek nodded yes to the question, a small smile tugging gently at the corners of his lips. "I really do, Stiles. I love you," He said softly, leaning in to press a gentle but meaningful kiss to Stiles' lips. "I love you. And I'm going to get better at showing it. I promise." He mumbled into Stiles' lips, kissing his again when he was finished talking.

Stiles kissed him back, gently, tremblingly, and then deeper and sweeter. "I love you too," he murmured back. " _God_ , Derek, _I love you too_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my excellent co-author for Derek. Hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Stay? Please?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Derek left, Stiles has missed him, and gotten into the habit of sleeping at the loft sometimes. Derek comes home, and finds him there.
> 
> Post-3A, pre-slash, bed-sharing, pining

Stiles woke up to movement and lights. That was odd. That didn't happen. Not here anyway. He sat up, trying to wake himself up properly when he realized who was turning lights on. He momentarily forgot himself in relief that Derek was back before he realized that he'd been asleep, in Derek's loft and he had absolutely no way to explain himself. Hell, he wasn't entirely sure he was up for explaining it to himself. "You're back." Stiles said eventually. "I left my jacket, thought I'd come back and get it." He added, he knew it wasn't much of an excuse and it didn't explain why he'd stayed but it was all he had that wasn't a lie. He had left his jacket here. Months ago. He'd come back to get it and he'd found himself staying here occasionally because as hard as it was to admit, he missed Derek. He wondered how much of that Derek could actually tell before reminding himself firmly that werewolf super - senses weren't mind reading powers. He was safe as long as he didn't outright lie.

Derek frowned. Why was Stiles sleeping in the loft? From the smell of it, Stiles had been here a lot . And he seemed...nervous, jumpy. That at least wasn't unusual, but Derek had only really known Stiles in the middle of a crisis. Was there a crisis? Was that why Stiles was here? The jacket was...not a lie, but it certainly wasn't the whole truth. "Yes, I'm back," he said at last. "Why are you really here?"

He didn't have an answer for that. The thought panicked him a little. He needed to say something, something reasonable, apparently half truths didn't cut it the way he thought they would and he definitely wasn't telling him the whole truth. "How far'd you have to come to get back? You should get some sleep, you can interrogate me later." Stiles said, trying for nonchalance. He knew he couldn't go home now , not at three in the morning \- w ith his luck he'd probably be eaten by something supernatural on the way home \- s o he was going to have to sleep on Derek's couch. All he had to do was get through the next few hours without saying or doing something irreparably stupid. He could do that. He hoped.

"You're in the bed," Derek pointed out. Honestly, he was stalling. This was the first time he'd spoken to anyone from Beacon Hills since he left. He'd given Isaac his number, but he'd never called. Derek couldn't blame him. He didn't know if there was a place for him here, anymore. Scott had rejected him publically, over and over again, and almost everyone else had allied themselves with Scott, in one way or another. "And I've been travelling by stages. I stopped in LA to visit some people." There was a pack there that the Hales used to know pretty well - for obvious reasons, they'd needed some sort of treaty with them, but they'd been friendly, too. He and Laura had stopped there briefly when they fled Beacon Hills, and since he was travelling again, it had seemed right to visit. They'd been utterly shocked by the recitation of events since his return to Beacon Hills, but it had been good, to remember Laura with people who'd known her in the years since the fire.

"It's more comfortable than the couch , " Stiles said with a shrug as though it were a perfectly reasonable thing for him to be sleeping in Derek's bed. He stood up, stretching a little and realizing that there was no way he was going to be able to go back to sleep now. He'd gone too far past the point where he could brush off what was happening and just go back to sleep. Besides, he couldn't afford to sleep right now, not while he still needed to come up with an excuse as to why he'd been sleeping here. It suddenly occurred to him that the loft probably smelled like him. How many times had he been here since Derek had left? To o many t imes  t o explain his way out of this one. He reminded himself that he just had to get to a reasonable time in the morning without saying telling him the full truth. Once the rest of the pack realized he was back Derek would be lucky to get a moment to breathe let alone to think about questioning Stiles any further.

Derek huffed. Stiles had gotten better at dodging questions while he'd been away, but 'better' didn't mean 'good'. He looked the teenager over, seeing broad shoulders he could swear had gotten more muscled while he was gone (or maybe that was just that Stiles was only wearing a clearly well-worn t-shirt right now), hair (that he was finally growing out) rumpled, hands clenching and twitching with nervous energy, and eyes...duller than he remembered. It could be that Stiles had just woken up, but he looked tired , the sort of weariness that came from more than lack of sleep. Had something happened lately? "How have you been?" Derek asked at last. "Any problems?"

"No more than usual. What about you, how's life outside of Beacon Hills?" Stiles asked as he tried to figure out how to answer how he'd been. He wanted to say fine but he wasn't entirely sure that that wasn't a lie. Would Derek be able to tell it was a lie if Stiles wasn't entirely sure himself? Probably. People that were fine didn't sleep in people's apartments while they were gone like the ghost of Christmas pathetic. "I've been okay , " he added after a few seconds of thought. As long as Derek answered the question then they'd be able to shift the subject onto something that wasn't in danger of bordering the ' w hy are you sleeping here' kind of questions.

Derek had a feeling that 'okay' was glossing over a lot. And 'no more than usual' didn't exactly set his mind at ease. Still, Stiles didn't seem hurt, or frightened, so things could definitely be worse. "It's alright," he answered eventually, turning over possible answers in his head. "Not as dangerous," he added. There were the usual dangers of the road, of unfamiliar territory, but he wasn't responsible for anywhere else's problems like he was here. "Not exactly a life, though." He'd stopped for a week or two, here and there, but nowhere permanent . It wasn't a life, it was a sabbatical.

"So, you're back for good then?" Stiles asked . H e hadn't meant to ask that. He hadn't meant to talk at all until he'd considered every possible response and gone for the most vague one. It was a stupid question and he shouldn't have asked it. He could only hope that it didn't sound as hopeful as he was pretty sure it did. Once the initial internal panic about asking questions he hadn't meant to was out of the way he tried to convince himself that it hadn't been too unreasonable a question. Hell, if he was lucky Derek wouldn't think anything of it at all.

Derek raised his eyebrows, surprised. He hadn't thought anyone would care, least of all Stiles. It was obvious that he did, though, even if Derek couldn't imagine why. "I don't really know," he admitted. "This town...has a lot of bad memories for me." Almost all of it was tainted with them, in fact. "I have a responsibility to look after it, though." As the last of the Hale pack, as the one who through teenage stupidity had set almost everything in motion, as the one who had bitten the wolves that set everything else in motion. "If I'm needed here, I'll stay."

It took more willpower than Stiles knew he had not to tell him that he was needed. It would be incredibly selfish , on top of super suspicious. If Derek didn't think something weird was going on when he'd asked if he was staying he definitely would if he told him that he needed to stay. Besides, Derek had every reason to want to leave Beacon Hills for good and he wasn't going to be the reason that Derek felt obligated to stay. If he stayed that was great, if not, well, he'd deal with that when he came to it. "Nothing good is going to come of you coming back because you feel responsible for whatever bullshit is going to happen next. If you want to go, go. We'll manage , " h e said into the silence that had settled around them. It wasn't technically a lie. He would manage he supposed.

Derek barely kept himself from physically recoiling. Stiles' rejection hurt, he had to admit. He'd only ever done his best, but he knew all too well that his best had never been good enough. He'd left knowing he'd alienated almost everyone he'd hoped to call pack. Apparently things hadn't gotten better for his absence. "I'm sorry, I'll leave," he said, trying to hide the hurt under gruffness the way he always did.

"Oh God , no , don't apologize , " Stiles said quickly. He'd been so busy panicking about accidentally telling Derek the truth along with trying to keep his heart rate down so Derek wouldn't know he was panicking about accidentally telling him the things he'd been keeping from him that he hadn't considered that it might come across as if he didn't care. "I didn't mean that, I just meant you shouldn't be here because you feel obligated to, it's only going to make you feel worse. If there's somewhere you'd rather be then you don't want to be here dealing with this town's endless parade of weird shit." He added, having to resist the urge to tell him how badly he wanted him to stay - o bligation or not, as selfish as that was.

"Oh." The unconscious tension in Derek's shoulders relaxed as he listened to Stiles stumbling over himself to explain. Stiles wasn't trying to make him leave. That was...good. Honestly, the loft smelt more like Stiles' than Derek's right now, and it was only reinforcing Derek's instincts that he was on Stiles' territory, and needed permission to stay. "I don't really have anywhere else to go," he pointed out after a minute. He could seek shelter with another pack, he supposed, but it was more likely he'd be omega. He didn't have family elsewhere, or any close ties. He'd kept to himself in New York, even when Laura had gotten more social. The fear was too ingrained. "If I stayed...would I be omega here?" he asked.

"Derek, it's your loft. You sound like you're asking me if you can stay, speaking of, actually, would you mind if I crashed on your couch? Just until the morning, don't want to risk getting mauled to death by something unfortunate on my way back home , " h e said, leaving off the part where he didn't want to go even if he could. The rational side of him knew that he should leave, of course he should. So far he'd managed to almost slip up more times than he should have, but then he'd never been great at being rational about things. "I don't know, I mean I guess. You're the werewolf, you should know these things , " Stiles added.

Derek laughed bitterly. "That's a first. When has my 'expertise' ever mattered? When have you ever listened to me? When has my advice ever worked ? No, Stiles, I'm done making assumptions based on what I know. You're the one who comes up with the plans, who trains the wolves who reject me, who saves our lives when everything goes wrong. So you tell me: am I pack? Could I ever be pack? Because I've been all but omega for months now, and I..." he trailed off, then steeled himself. "I don't want to be omega. If you think the others can't accept me, then I'll try to find a pack that will. I...trust your judgement," he finished on a sigh. "And don't be an idiot, you're clearly comfortable there. I'll sleep in Isaac's room." He assumed everything was still there. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe Isaac had come back for his things in the months Derek had been away. He wouldn't know, after all.

"I don't know what'll happen. I \- God, I'm going to sound like an asshole, I'm sorry. I don't think Scott will have any of that. He was pissed off that you left. I can talk to him. I can try , " Stiles answered, as he tried to think through, realistically, the chances of everything being fixed. If he couldn't fix it then Derek was going to leave. The thought of him leaving so soon after he'd gotten back, the thought that he'd be gone for good this time and he wouldn't even have that vague hope to cling to was almost overwhelming. "Even if this all goes to shit I don't want you to go , " h e said quickly.

"You...what?" Derek asked, confused. He wasn't surprised that Stiles thought Scott would reject him - that wasn't new. And Isaac, well, Derek had treated him like shit. The others would follow their lead, that had been obvious even by the time Derek had left. But Stiles...? "Why on earth would you want me here?" Derek said, still standing awkwardly just inside the door. "Can I sit? I'll get a chair."

"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to , " Stiles said . H e was pretty sure that whether Derek knew it or not , he didn't want to know. Could Stiles risk ruining everything so soon on the off chance that Derek did ?

Derek raised his eyebrows. "I don't, generally." He set a chair next to the bed, close enough that he could speak quietly and Stiles would hear him. "It's arguable that I ruined your life, like all the others. I haven't done anything good for you. Why would you want me to stay?"

"You didn't ruin my life , " Stiles answered instantly. Was this really a conversation he should be having at three in the morning? A conversation that could arguably ruin everything before Derek had even been back more than a couple of hours. A conversation that was only happening because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"I dragged you into all this, made you hide me, made you help me," Derek countered. "It's nice of you to say so, but I know it's not true." Even if Stiles, for some reason, thought it was. And from his heartbeat, he did. Good to know he was just as confusing as he'd ever been.

"Sure , but there was nothing stopping me from walking away from all of this after I helped you , " Stiles pointed out, whilst he struggled to decide whether or not he really o ught to be having this conversation after all  - though he supposed it was a rather redundant worry , now that they were basically having this conversation. Even amidst all of Stiles' concern about this exact thing.

"Then why didn't you?" Derek exclaimed. "Isn't it perfectly obvious that nothing good comes of being involved in this shit? The others are wolves, they can't get away from it. You're human!" Derek had had this conversation in his head more times than he'd care to admit. He didn't understand why Stiles cared so little for his own safety that he'd never even asked for the bite. "And if you insist on being involved, why on earth haven't you gotten the bite yet?"

"Because I can be involved without being a werewolf. Don't even try this ' you're just human ' shit with me. I'm not dead yet and that's something. I like to take it one life - threatening crisis at a time , " Stiles retorted. Why hadn't he walked away? Because he knew he couldn't pretend that any of this wasn't happening. Because as much as he complained about being involved it was what he wanted. One of the two, perhaps a little of both.

" Yet , Stiles. You're not dead yet ." Derek leaned forward earnestly. "I'm well aware that you're perfectly competent as you are, but that doesn't mean you aren't vulnerable." He winced. "Fuck. Bad choice of words. You're easy to injure, and you heal more slowly. Of all of us, you're the most easily killed. I don't want that to happen, and I'd like to think you don't either." God, that was a terrible thought. No. Stiles wasn't like that. It wasn't that kind of recklessness that put him in danger again and again. Derek would know.

"If I wanted to kill myself I wouldn't wait around for something supernatural to show up." Stiles pointed out. "Sometimes, you need me. You're not lecturing me on how I'm only not dead yet then , " h e added. It wasn't often but occasionally it helped that Stiles was human. Admittedly, it usually ended in him being bait, but it hadn't killed him so far.

Derek sighed. He hadn't forgotten the rave. "I know. Just because I'm scared for you doesn't mean I'm not grateful you're here. And you'll note I never offered you the bite. I'd have given it if you asked, but I never pushed that on you." He had considered it. But Stiles was so staunchly independent. He seemed perfectly happy as he was, with Scott and his dad. He didn't need a pack, he didn't want an alpha. So Derek had looked elsewhere.

"I know , " Stiles answered. It was something they'd never actually discussed before. Mainly because there just hadn't been cause to. "And you really don't need to be scared for me, I mean, even when I'm bait , I'm surrounded by werewolves , " h e continued.

Derek frowned. "I hate that. 'Bait'. You're not a fucking worm on a hook. You're the fucking brains of the operation." It wasn't that Stiles was alpha material - he really wasn't interested in leadership. But he was a strategist, a planner, a researcher. Without him, Scott would be dead six times over, as would Derek. Scott'd better have acknowledged that by now. "And I know you've been hurt before, even if you never told me how it happened." He'd hated seeing Stiles like that. There'd been a few days when he'd been reeling from Scott's betrayal and he hadn't realised, but Stiles' bruises didn't heal fast. He'd noticed.

"Call it what you want. Research or not , that's still what it is , " Stiles said with a shrug. It didn't really bother him all that much. It was still helping. Just in a less research-y way and a more risky one. It wasn't like he'd not had the opportunity to get out of it. He must've been told a million times over that he 'really didn't need to' but he'd known, in the detached way that you things before you're about to risk your life , that he did.

"Stiles..." Derek sighed. "Why do you want me to stay?" Because if Stiles thought he needed to, then he would, even if it meant dealing with poisoned relationships and hovering on the outskirts of a hostile pack. As he'd said, Stiles was the brains around here. But he didn't want to get his hopes up. He didn't want to unpack, settle in, if he was only going to be moving on again. No, if he was leaving, then he'd sleep here tonight, visit the cemetery tomorrow, do the paperwork that needed doing, and hit the road again when he could. There was no point getting attached to territory that wasn't going to be his anymore.

Stiles paused for a moment, unsure how to answer that. Did he tell him the truth? Did he try and find his way around it? Did he suggest that they just talk about this when it was a reasonable time in the morning instead? "Because I've missed you , " h e answered eventually.

Derek stared. Everything about Stiles was totally sincere, but Derek still could hardly believe it. "I don't understand," he admitted at last, his voice hoarse. No-one just...wanted him around. Ever. Even with Paige, he'd had an antagonistic relationship. Kate wanted to use him. Jennifer wanted to use him. His family had to like him, they were family. Same with the betas he'd bitten, and he'd managed to drive them away anyway. People liked him when he was a pretty face, but they didn't actually like him . "Why would you miss me? I'm not..." he waved a hand in a gesture meant to capture all the ways he was utterly unsuitable for...anything. "...likeable," he finished at last.

"I just did, I don't know. If it makes you feel any less weird about this, I wasn't expecting it anymore than you , " Stiles answered, trying to keep his tone light. If this went wrong he c ould always shrug it off as just low - key missing him, the way you miss friends that moved or something. Whether or not he'd actually be able to pull that off , he wa sn't sure , but he was hoping he d id n't have to find out.

Derek didn't...he didn't understand this. Well. As if he'd ever understood Stiles. But there was an undertone to his scent, his body language, his tone of voice - something Derek hadn't figured out, but it was there. And he couldn't help but think that he needed to figure it out. "If I stayed..." he said slowly, smelling the hope in Stiles' scent, "...what would I do? What do you want?"

If. Well, Stiles supposed that that was closer to staying than Derek had been five minutes ago. ' If ' was a start. "Right now? I'd just settle for you being back here, al though I'm going to miss your bed." He answered with a laugh that he hoped to hell sounded authentic. What did he want? Did he even want to consider what he wanted? The thought was terrifying. Besides, the chances of him saying the wrong thing and Derek leaving anyway were way to o high to risk it , even if he did want to spend the next five minutes thinking in depth about things he'd spent months trying not to think about.

Derek frowned, starting to put things together. Stiles had been here, a lot, had apparently been sleeping here, because he...missed Derek? The loft didn't just smell of Stiles, it smelt of loneliness and...longing. Derek decided to test the waters. "Just because I'm back doesn't mean you have to stop coming by. You look comfortable there."

Stiles nodded, watching Derek who looked suspiciously like he was trying to work something out. That probably wasn't good. Stiles tried to remind himself that there was nothing really to work out. So, the loft probably smelled like him. There was a whole multitude of reasons why that might be, even if he could think of them. There had to be. "Thank you. But I will totally move onto the couch because there is no way you came back home not to sleep in your own bed , " h e answered.

Home. Derek hadn't really had a home in years. He'd been trying to make this into one, before he left. Maybe...maybe with Stiles helping , it could become one. He was good at that, actually, at making people feel welcome. It was a surprising talent, considering how abrasive he was. Derek sighed. You know what? It was too fucking late/early for these sorts of questions. "It's a big bed." Derek smirked at Stiles' surprise. "Look, it's, what, three in the morning? You're comfortable there already, there's plenty of room, I've slept on worse, I can't be bothered setting up the couch for you, and I'm guessing you're going to have to leave in a few hours anyway. I'm going to get changed - you shove over."

Of all the stupid decisions he'd made so far this definitely took the cake. Rationally, he knew that he should insist. That he could sort the couch himself, that Derek should just get some sleep. But he didn't. He knew almost before he moved over that he wasn't going to protest about this. It was too early in the morning for that and besides, how many chances was he going to get to share a bed with Derek? "Good, then we're sorted , " Stiles answered, shifting over and reminding himself of what was becoming a sort of mantra : d on't do / say anything stupid for the next few hours. He could do that. He could. He'd just start now.

By the time Derek got into bed, Stiles was stiff as a board. "Fucking hell, Stiles," Derek exclaimed, "calm down. I'm not going to murder you if a fingertip strays over the centre line." To be honest, Derek would like that. His family had always been affectionate, tactile, and since Laura died, he'd been starved of touch.

Stiles considered explaining that it wasn't that he was worried about Derek murdering him as much as he was worried that being too close to Derek was going to do awful things to his ' d on't do or say anything stupid' plan. No, he definitely wasn't telling Derek that. "Been a while since you've threatened to murder me, wouldn't put it past you , " Stiles pointed out, thought first and foremost in his mind that he just had to get through the next few hours.

Derek rolled his eyes and curled up on his side. "Go to sleep, Stiles. And don't steal the blankets." Not that Derek could sleep right away. No, he was drinking in the smell of Stiles and him together, the warmth of somebody else in his space, the sound of Stiles' breath and heartbeat as the boy calmed himself down. "I missed you too, you know," Derek murmured quietly.

Stiles thought for a second that he might have made it up but then he wasn't crazy enough to be hearing things. To be haunting Derek's apartment while he was gone like the ghost of Christmas pathetic, sure, but hearing things? No. At least, he really hoped not. "Good to know , " Stiles answered with far more sincerity than he'd intended.

Derek smiled a little where Stiles couldn't see. Stiles smelt happier than he had when Derek had arrived. Derek had done that, had made him happy. It was a long time since he'd made someone happy. "Good night, Stiles. We'll talk more in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for Stiles and the prompt. I wrote this one ages ago, actually, but only just got around to editing it for posting. Oops. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	4. My One Night Stand Was Married...Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles is feeling like shit because he found out this morning that the guy he slept with last night has a wife. So he texts Derek.
> 
> Friendship, pre-slash if you squint, one night stand with OC, infidelity (on part of OC)

Am I a bad person for breaking up a marriage?

Even if it was unintentionally?

**How do you unintentionally break up a marriage?**

I sleep with the husband?

Without knowing he's a husband.

**Then that's his fault, not yours**

**No one goes around asking the people who flirt with them if they're taken - it's assumed**

**Anyone I know?**

No, not really.

Just someone I picked up at Jungle. Or rather, he picked me up.

Man, how can that be my luck? A guy finally shows some interest and he's /married/.

**It can't be that bad, surely**

It's pathetic

**Really?**

Better said, I'm pathetic

**No you're not**

I had a one night stand with a perfect guy

Only to wake up with the wife screaming at the guy.

Yeah, I /am/ pretty pathetic.

**No, /he's/ pathetic**

**Worse than**

They were freshly married!

Barely came from the honeymoon!

**For cheating on his wife with the perfect guy and fucking things up for them both**

**He's a complete and utter dick, it's got nothing to do with you**

I should've been more careful...

**Could you actually have known?**

Dunno.

Should've known.

**Nope. Not your fault. His fault.**

**Married people don't give off magical warning vibes**

I still feel like a loser...

**That sucks**

**D'you want to come over and watch a shitty sci-fi movie or something?**

**I'll make you that weird popcorn and m &m's mixture you like**

You're the best, Der

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick one today - I'll edit another one for posting soon, but I've been distracted by a bunch of collabs I've got going via email (about a dozen at this point, so there's a lot of juggling). Thanks to my co-author on this one for Stiles and the prompt - I can take the blame only for Derek and formatting.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it!


	5. Coitus Interruptus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All Stiles wants is to have sex with Derek without being interrupted. But the entire town seems to be conspiring, and it's getting /really/ frustrating.
> 
> Established relationship, interrupted sex (not on screen), rating doesn't lie, background Chris/Peter, humor

I think you need to have a chat with Isaac about your respective sleeping arrangements

Because, love you though I do, I prefer to have sex in a room with a door

That I can lock

**Isaac has panic attacks, he needs me when that happens.**

...dammit

that's a really good reason

**By the way, it only happened once.**

**But your dad...I think he does it on purpose.**

it's positive punishment

he's trying to associate us having sex in my room with getting interrupted

it's working

**It definitely is. I have to look behind me even in my own room.**

**Will it help if you tell him that you top from time to time? So he can stop thinking I'm hurting you.**

Oh god

I don't know what would be worse: you embarrassing him by telling him that; or you /not/ embarrassing him when you tell him that

**/You/ need to do it, I'm not telling your dad about our sex life.**

Right now we barely /have/ a sex life

**Maybe we need to think of some other place to do it.**

**Somewhere Parrish can't reach during one of his night patrols.**

**It's like this whole town wants us to stop having sex.**

Do we /actually/ need a sex getaway right now?

It this seriously a thing that is happening in real life?

**Stiles. Think. Think about one place that we didn't have anyone run in on us?**

uh...

**You can't. Because there's always someone.**

I'd say we should just fuck in the woods if not for the fact I'm quite fond of a) beds, b) showers, and c) heating

We have more interrupted sex than any other couple on earth

**Maybe we should apply for a Guinness World Record**

it's just so fucking frustrating!

I just want to fuck you, or get fucked by you, or suck you, or give you a damn /handjob/ without someone walking in on us!

**I'll ask Isaac to stay with Scott for a day.**

can I put mtn ash at the bottom of the stairs and the downstairs door to the escalator?

**Just outside the bedroom door is enough.**

Your entire loft is your bedroom, though

**At the bottom of the stairs it is**

oh my god

I just realised

you know what our problem is?

we're a fucking ten-year married couple with half-a-dozen kids

we're making /appointments/ to have sex

**Fuck, you're right.**

**And all of our relatives live with us.**

Seriously. We need a sex getaway.

Some hidden cabin in the woods where we can go and fuck and not be interrupted every five minutes

You haven't fucked me properly in /ages/

**We've only known each other for 5 years, Stiles. Don't be dramatic.**

It feels like you haven't fucked me in ten.

**Yeah, I know. Maybe Argent has a place in the woods?**

I could ask?

**You should.**

_[delay]_

He says yes

He also laughed at us a lot, in that quiet, non-laughing way of his

**Yeah I can imagine. Next time, tell him that Peter left his underwear at his place.**

Oh, fuck. You think Peter uses their sex cabin?

That's pretty gross

**So you have never wondered why they sometimes both disappear for a day or two?**

I try to avoid thinking about what Peter does when I'm not looking

It never ends well

**I didn't think about it. But when he dropped by with the smell of sex and gunpowder all around, the answer was pretty obvious.**

Great

I'm going to be thinking about this the next time I see Peter, and he's going to creep at me

**I don't know why but he's acting pretty weird recently.**

**He even got a job.**

**Seriously, a job.**

That is weird

Do you think Chris has anything to do with it?

**I think so. I don't know how but something must have happened.**

Any ideas?

Also, what job?

**Teaching art. He used to be really good actually.**

**I guess Chris talked some sense into him.**

Wow. That is really, really disconcerting.

Like, at a school? Or at the community college or something?

**I think he rented a small studio.**

I mean, it doesn't surprise me to be surprised by Peter

But even so...

I can't help but come up with ludicrous scenarios

Peter needs money to buy Chris pretty things!

Chris refuses to have sex with Peter unless he gets off his lazy ass and works for a living!

Peter needs to be the breadwinner because Chris is secretly pregnant!

**I think Chris just doesn't want to date an unemployed man.**

Probably

**And it's good to see Peter being less...crazy.**

Mm. I get the feeling he still had a lot of healing left to do when he was resurrected

**Well let's hope Chris is helping him.**

**Anyway, are you getting the key of Chris' cabin? Or should I do it.**

I'll drop by and get it, then come pick you up? The jeep's better for the wood roads

**Sure. I'll go get some necessities.**

Get plenty

**Aye aye captain.**

You're ridiculous. I love you

**Love you too.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my anonymous collaborator for an awesome Derek. Hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Two's Company, Three's...Company?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Traditionally, an Alpha would date, and eventually mate, multiple Omegas at a time. Derek, an Alpha, is from a traditional polygamous family. Stiles, an Omega, wants monogamy. Some assumptions were made. They work it out.
> 
> High school AU, omega-verse, polygamy (alpha/omegas) is normal, mis/communication, relationship negotiation, dating

So my dad's just informed me that I may not have given you a good enough explanation for cancelling - if I gave one at all.

Sorry if I sounded really rude, but i'm not into the whole...you know, multiple relationship thing. Or however you want to describe it. More in with the now- equal two people partnership and what not.

**Thank you for explaining**

**My family's always been very traditional, I hadn't realized it might bother you**

It doesn't bother me, per se. Not really. I'm not trying to be better than anyone, or to judge. That's just not something i'm very comfortable with for myself is all.

Thank you though, for not being upset.

**I'm disappointed, but I understand. And I know you aren't judging - you're not like that.**

**Could you explain why you don't like it?**

I'm really, really glad you do. I was afraid you wouldn't

_[delay]_

There really isn't a huge explanation. I just see myself with one person, not two, or three, or however many. I want to love one person and I want them to love me back. Only me.

It sounds a little selfish out loud, but there it is.

**My parents always taught me that having multiple people in a relationship means there's more love to go around. That you can all support each other and look after each other, and no-one ever has to go it alone.**

**It's interesting to hear the other side of it.**

**And if I understand what you're saying, it's not totally selfish. You don't just want all of someone's love, you want to give them all of yours in return, too. It's just very...focused.**

I can see that. I really can. It makes sense, and maybe it works for some...just not everyone.

My parents filled me in on all of this at a really young age. Said they just wanted me to be happy, and however I found that happiness - be it with one person, or two - they would support it.

My two parents.

I've yet to see a love between ten people stronger then the love the two of them shared.

I'm glad you can see what I'm saying. You don't have to agree with it, and I won't ask you to, but it's what I want.

**Look, the date with Isaac didn't go well, so I'm still single, and I honestly do like you a lot.**

**Maybe we could try dating, just the two of us, for a little while?**

I'm sorry if me canceling last minute had anything to do with it.

I think, if that's something that you really want, I'd be happy to go out with you.

**Kind of. It's not your fault, but Isaac's pretty shy. I get the feeling me he found me a bit...intense, one on one.**

**Then we can give it a shot?**

Didn't plan on having you to himself. He was probably a little overwhelmed.

I'd love to, yeah.

No matter the outcome..I like you too, and if it doesn't work out in the end- if this just isn't enough for you, I'll understand.

At least we'll get a few dates out of it all.

But there's no reason to worry about that now.

**Look, if it's an issue later, we'll discuss it more**

**I certainly won't do anything without talking to you**

I know. That's what makes you sort of great.

Well then, since you asked me first- when are you free next?

**Uh...Wednesday night?**

Wednesday night it is then.

Want me to pick you up?

**...you're determined to be non-traditional in every possible way, aren't you?**

**Sure, we can shock my family**

**Uncle Peter will mock me for weeks**

If it;s too big of a deal too soon in, you can pick me up Derek. I'm fine either way.

**No, it's fine**

**I'm dating /you/, this is who you are**

Not dating yet, not till after Wednesday night when I determine whether or not I like you enough to kiss you and ask for a second date after.

Your odds are great though, so don't worry.

As long as you're fine with it, then I am. I can pick you up around six or seven if you want.

**I'm glad to hear that. Six sounds great.**

I'll be around then.

Thanks for giving me a chance. Giving this whole thing a chance I guess.

I appreciate it.

**Well I appreciate you being willing to give /me/ another chance after I made assumptions**

I think we both did, in different ways. We were both a little at fault, but that's water under the bridge now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for Stiles and the premise - it was unusual, but interesting.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!


	7. Opening the Closet Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Derek and Stiles have isn't serious. It couldn't be, anyway. Derek wasn't out. Derek wasn't /going/ to be out. His family would never accept it. Then he fell in love, and it all fell apart.
> 
> High school AU; Derek and Stiles have been fooling around, closeted Derek, pining Derek, homophobia, character outed without consent

**We need to talk. We can't see each other anymore.**

 

 

What? Dude, what's wrong?

 

**Nothing is wrong. We can't see each other anymore. I'm seeing someone. Well, Jen and I are dating.**

 

Dude!

You couldn't have told me you were planning to ask a girl out?

I mean, I know what we've got's not all that serious, but it's /monogamous/

Also, seriously, Jen? A week ago you didn't even /like/ Jen

 

**Well we're not going to see anymore, so it doesn't matter. I wasn't planning on anything. Jen and I got to talking. And it makes sense. I mean, I'm the captain of most of the sports teams and she's the head cheerleader. And I do like Jen.**

 

Social dynamics are kind of a bullshit reason to date someone, you know

 

**Well I like Jen too. And she likes me. And we're dating. So you and I can't see each other anymore. I already talked to Harris about switching lab partners so we're done.**

 

Jesus Christ, Derek

Lab partners too?

What, are you expecting to get down on my knees and blow you in the classroom?

 

**What? No. I just don't think we should be together anymore. This was all a mistake.**

 

Gee, thanks

I'm a 'mistake'

Just what I've always wanted

 

**I meant being together was a mistake. I'm not gay.**

 

Derek, whatever the hell you are, you're /not/ a zero on the Kinsey scale

 

**Fuck off, Stiles.**

 

Derek, as the GUY who has been successfully HAVING SEX with you, I think I have reasonable grounds to suggest you're not 100% straight

Dude, it's not a problem

 

**/Shut up/. It was a mistake. I don't like you. Never did. You were just there. I'm dating Jen now, so leave me the fuck alone.**

 

...alright, Derek

I'm sorry you're so fucked up you can't handle the idea that you're allowed to fuck who you fuck and love who you love

I'll see you round

 

[delay]

**Stiles. It's not that simple.**

 

It really fucking is, Derek

 

**No. It's not. Maybe it is for you. But it isn't for me.**

 

Why the hell not?

 

**Because I'm not like you! My family isn't like yours. People give a shit what I do!**

**That wasn't what I meant.**

**I just meant that people....it's not as easy for me. My family isn't as accepting.**

 

I'm not telling you to plant yourself by the river of truth and tell the world to move

I've never given you shit about being closeted

 

**You're never going to give a shit? What about the fact that I can't tell my parents? Or any of my friends? Or anyone? You can't either. I know how close to your dad you are.**

 

Derek, this isn't actually about me

I'm more pissed at you for saying you aren't gay than I am for any of the rest of it

Even picking Jen as, what, your beard?

 

[delay]

**You don't get it, Stiles.**

 

I obviously don't

And unless you're planning on /explaining/ it, I won't

 

**You have people that give a shit about you. That will accept you even if you decided to become a rodeo clown or something. I...don't. I have my athletic ability and my looks and that's it.**

 

That's complete bullshit, just so you know

 

**Is it? The only person besides you that wouldn't care if I came out is Erica. My family would disown me.**

 

I didn't mean that part

I meant the bit where you implied you're only valuable for your body

 

**Well it's not like I'm smart like you. Or funny or anything. I don't have anything else.**

 

No, you're not smart like me. You're smart like /you/.

And you definitely make me laugh

 

[delay]

**I can't do this, Stiles. Maybe I'm just not as strong as you. Or maybe I'm just a coward. But I can't.**

 

I...fuck

Look, just promise me...promise me you won't try to kill that part of you. Keep it hidden, if you must, but keep it safe.

 

**Safe. Right. I can't promise that. I can't promise anything. I've been panicking for days.**

 

Jesus, Derek. Why didn't you ask me to help?

 

**Help me with what? The fact that I realized what I've been doing? That I fell in love with you and that it scares the shit out of me because I know I can't ever give you the type of life you deserve? That I'm never going to have the life I want? I just...can't, Stiles.**

 

Wait, what?

 

[delay]

**Nothing. Forget it.**

 

No, I am so not forgetting that

Dude, is that what's going on? What triggered the Big Gay Freakout Part II: The Freakening?

 

[delay]

**The other night. Before I left and we were just lying in bed. I realized how I felt. And what I was doing to you. To me. It isn't fair. I wasn't being fair. I can't....my family wouldn't understand. They'd disown me like they did my uncle.**

 

What happened to him? Your uncle.

 

[delay]

**He fell in love. My grandparents kicked him out. No one in the family is even allowed to talk to him, though it hasn't stopped some of us. They didn't like that his partner was a guy. They ended up breaking up. I think Chris has a wife and kids now but Peter never got over it.**

 

Do you think he would help you? If you ever needed it?

 

**I don't know. I don't know if I can find out.**

 

I'm pretty sure I could. If you ever wanted me to.

I'm good at finding things out.

 

**I just meant I don't know if I could get to that point. My family is important to me. My sisters. My brothers. My parents. I just...fuck. It's not fair.**

 

I won't try to lie to you, Derek: it's completely shitty

 

**I don't know what to do.**

 

Date me. Secretly.

We'll figure out the rest together

 

**That's just going to end up hurting the both of us in the end, Stiles. We've been sneaking around for months now. What happens when someone finds out?**

 

I don't have all the answers, Derek

But I'd like to be with you, however I can, for as long as I can

 

**You seem like you do, sometimes. I don't know. I don't want to hurt you. Not really.**

 

I know, Derek

But I'm a big boy now - I'll speak up if it gets too hard

 

[delay]

**Okay.**

**If you're sure...okay.**

 

I'm sure, Derek

It'll be hard, but...I want to try

I want to help you, too

However I can

 

**I just don't want to be afraid of everything all the time. But I meant it, Stiles. What I said. That I love you.**

 

I...I can't say it back yet. But I'm getting there. I'm already falling.

 

**You don't have to. Say it back I mean. I just...I don't know Stiles. I wasn't thinking about this before. About a future. Not until that moment. And now I can't stop thinking about it.**

 

It got real on you, huh?

 

**I guess, yeah. I just...when I realized it I saw this future that I wanted with you and one I didn't think I could have. I don't think we could have.**

 

We won't know unless we try

 

**My parents are never going to be accepting.**

**I guess...I need to be though.**

 

That's kind of what I was saying earlier

Hating yourself won't make it hurt less when the world hates you

It'll make you believe you deserve it

 

**Can I see you?**

 

Tonight? Yes

 

**I just...need to hold you. I know that sounds stupid. But I do. Being close to you helps.**

 

Of course, Derek

\-----

_Several Hours Later_

**Stiles?**

 

Derek?

What's up?

 

**I went to talk to Jen and she.....fuck. She figured it out. And told my mom.**

 

Jesus Christ

What happened?

 

**They gave me two hours to pack and get out. Thank god I own my car or they would have taken that too. I called my uncle but he's in Canada for two weeks.**

 

You're coming here

Until you can figure something else out, you're staying with me

 

**Are you sure? I don't...I'll be in the way.**

**Your dad will be upset too. Having an unexpected houseguest.**

 

He'll be more upset with your parents than you

And you won't be in the way at all

 

[delay]

**Okay. I don't have a lot of stuff. My car is pretty packed but I'll really just need my clothes and school stuff. Laura said she'd get me the rest. This is everything I didn't want to happen.**

 

I know, babe. I'm so sorry

Laura's helping you, though?

 

**Yeah. I don't think our parents will approve but her excuse is she's leaving in three months for college anyway. At least it's Friday. I have the weekend before I have to face the rumors at school. Fuck, I'm sorry for whatever Jen is going to spread about you.**

 

I don't give a fuck, Derek

I'm worried about /you/ right now

 

**I guess I'm always just worried about you in general. Sorry. I'll be there in twenty, okay?**

 

Don't apologize. It's sweet.

I'll be waiting at the door

 

**Thanks Stiles. Really.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys - editing's awful. I'm posting fast and frequently in Sterek RPs: Unedited at the moment to get through the backlog, so check that out if you want.
> 
> Thanks to my awesome co-author for Derek and the prompt. I hope you all enjoyed it.


	8. The True Alpha? He Likes /Raisins/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has been released from the Nogitsune's control, but his body is showing the affects of the possession as well as his mental health. He's been trying to keep it hidden for weeks.
> 
> Post-3B, nogitsune aftermath, hallucinations, angst, Derek is still an alpha, Stiles wants to go back to Eichen House, talk about trauma, implied pining, imperfect resolution, feat. Scott

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conversation with Stiles on the left; conversation with Scott on the right; Derek is always bold.
> 
> WARNINGS  
> Stiles is really not okay here. He doesn't care about his own welfare; he thinks the most important part of him died with the nogitsune; he's essentially waiting to die. (At one point, he agrees that he's passively suicidal, ie not trying to die, but willing to let himself die.) The way he talks about going back to Eichen House has a very self-destructive tone. Please be careful with yourselves.

I can't make it to the pack meeting. Something came up.

 

**Everything okay?**

 

Yeah. I'm fine.

 

**This isn't the first time you've had to skip, lately**

 

And? What's your point? I'm human. I'm only an honorary member.

I don't have to... explain every absence.

 

**Okay, that's bullshit.**

**You're the heart of the pack**

**You're not 'only' anything**

**And you don't have to explain it when you're not there, but you can't expect us not to notice and wonder why**

 

Nice cover up. I'm well aware of what the others think. I've heard them. They don't whisper very well.

Notice and wonder all you want. I'm fine.

I'm just not in the mood for the stares, the guilt, all that.

 

**What? What have they been saying?**

 

You know what they've said.

I know they can't see past it. I couldn't either. I...felt it.

_[delay]_

I don't belong anymore.

 

**I don't know what they've said, actually.**

**But I'm starting to think I need to go punch some people**

 

They can't trust me. I can't blame them. They see...what I was.

I was the perfect host. There's...something still there.

If I was in their shoes, I wouldn't trust me either.

 

**Something still there? You said you were fine!**

 

I'm fine. It's nothing.

 

**It's not nothing, Stiles**

 

It is.

 

**If you're skipping pack meetings because you don't want to be around us, then it's not nothing. It's something. I want to help you fix it, if I can**

 

I don't need or want your help. Any of the pack's.

Just...leave me alone, okay?

Just...do the pack meet. And don't bring the others into this.

I shouldn't have even texted you.

 

**You should have, Stiles**

**I'd be worrying about you no matter what**

**I won't tell the others**

**But please...keep me in the loop**

**I couldn't help you, last time**

**I was completely useless**

**I don't want to do that again**

 

_[delay]_

You can't help this time.

 

**Stiles, I'm...I'm really worried**

**Could you /please/ tell me what's wrong?**

 

I already told you. I don't belong. They don't think I belong.

I don't want to be a part of it. I can't hold it against them because I feel the same way.

Problem is I can't escape myself.

Anyways. I've got homework and I'm going to take a nap. Have a good meet.

 

**Stiles...**

**Sleep well, I guess**

\-----

 

**I didn't want to bring it up at the meeting, but have you talked to Stiles lately?**

 

Uh. Not really...?

Why, what's up?

 

**I'm really worried about him**

**I talked to him earlier**

**He said he didn't belong, and he 'can't escape himself'**

**I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone about it, but...**

 

_[delay]_

He mentioned Eichen House the other day. In passing. I thought nothing of it.

 

**Shit**

**Like, memories of Eichen House, or like he was thinking of going back?**

 

Crap. I.. I didn't even think on it. I feel awful.

I... I don't really remember. I think it was something along the lines of 'Eichen House might be better than today'. 

I thought it was just.. a rough day or something.

 

**shit**

**I get the feeling most of his days are rough days lately**

 

But... it's gone, isn't it? 

He should be fine, right? 

I... Think I might agree with you.

 

**Even if it's completely gone and left behind absolutely no physical, mental, or magical side-effects, the trauma isn't gone**

**I know what it's like to be used to hurt people you care about**

**You don't get over it quickly, or easily**

 

True. But.. Could it be more than that?

Have you.. noticed how Stiles has looked lately? 

And... he smells different now. Like... the possession actually... changed him. Somehow physically.

 

**It's possible**

**What do you mean, how he's looked?**

 

Dark eyes. Always looks tired.

I think he's lost weight.

 

**That's unsurprising**

 

He.. I guess skittish? 

He just hangs back. 

Odd.. ticks I guess. Small hand movements. Like he's.. aware of it. But not aware at the same time. 

Like a reaction. To nothing.

Unsurprising? He's been himself for... over a month. He should be getting better. Not worse.

 

**Sometimes PTSD is weird**

**You think it's getting worse, though?**

 

I've known him all my life, Derek. Something is.. off. And I don't have to use my heightened senses to know it.

 

**What do you think is going on?**

 

I don't know.

 

**I feel like asking him is just going to make it worse**

 

Probably.

 

**He thinks we blame him, you know**

**Says he's 'just an honorary member' of the pack**

 

That's not surprising. 

Stiles was always passionate about it. Though he didn't do it purposely.

I... The only way to get him to admit it... is probably to have him break.

And show everything.

But then you need to be ready to pick up the pieces.

_[delay]_

Could he die from this? What if... It was keeping him alive? Or awakened something, or... I don't know.

 

**How should I know, Scott?**

**I was /sixteen/ when my family's library burned down**

**Nogitsunes aren't exactly common**

**And people who survive them are even rarer**

 

Stiles told me like a week ago, he thinks it purposely chose him. Said that he was the most.. similar. Most fox characteristics or whatever.

 

**He told me earlier he thought he was 'the perfect host'**

 

He said something similar to me.

 

**Fuck**

**We can't help him if he won't /tell/ us anything!**

 

Force him to.

If anyone can, it's you.

 

_[delay]_

**I really don't want to do that, Scott**

 

Then what's your idea?

 

**...I don't know**

 

Then maybe just spend time with him.

 

**I'll try, but he's been pushing me away**

 

He's refused to be around most of us. Or when he's near us he just hangs back

 

**He thinks you can't get past the nogitsune**

**That you blame him, or don't trust him, or whatever**

 

I can't blame him really. I wonder if I'd feel the same.

But I don't feel that way.

 

**I wish he'd believe me when I tell him that.**

 

Make him believe it.

_[delay]_

I've seen the way you look at him. 

You can.

 

**Scott...**

 

Derek.

 

**Scott, I don't...**

 

You don't what?

 

**I don't look at him like...that**

 

If you say so.

 

**Scott, I can't**

 

You care about him. Ignore what I said. He's a member of your pack. You are his alpha. And the alpha is supposed to take care of his pack. And its members.

Derek. I can't lose him. And...he's close to that.

 

**Fuck**

**I'll try**

\-----

**Stiles, can we talk?**

 

_[long delay]_

What do you want, Derek.

 

**Scott told me that you've been acting a bit differently, and considering what you said about there being something still there, I'm concerned.**

 

It's just me over thinking everything. Just...locked in thoughts. I'm fine.

 

**If it's affecting you enough to worry Scott, then I don't think I should ignore it**

 

_[delay]_

There's nothing you can do, Derek. I wish there was. 

There's nothing I can do either. 

I.. I don't know. 

I think I need to take a break. I guess or an escape.

I feel like...there's something building. And I'm afraid what will happen when it's reached its peak. I can't hurt more of you.

 

**Where do you want to go?**

 

Somewhere that you'll be safe from me. 

_[delay]_

And I'll be safe from myself.

 

**I can't let you do that**

**I can't let you go somewhere alone**

 

I won't be alone.

 

**Who will you take with you?**

 

Wouldn't take anyone with me. 

There are other people there already.

 

**Where are you going, Stiles?**

 

There's only one place and you know it. 

It'll be safe for all of you. And for me.

 

**No, Stiles, it won't**

 

Why won't it?

 

**God, Stiles, the things you told us about that place...**

**That's not safety**

 

_[long delay]_

I'm stuck in my head. I can't stop thinking about it all. I'm going crazy. Again. 

At least...at least they can give me something so I'm not as aware of everything. 

I can't do it.

I can't fight it. 

I'm tired of it.

That place is better than I am right now.

 

**It's not the only way to get better**

**Please, let me, us, help you**

 

You can't.

 

**Why not?**

 

It's all in my head. Unless you can somehow...reprogram it all. Or...

I don't know.

 

**You think I don't know what trauma is like?**

**Going over it again and again, trying to think of /anything/ you could have done differently, and then blaming yourself for what you /did/ do**

**The paranoia, the hyper-vigilance, the constant awareness that maybe it could happen again**

**The nightmares**

**The memories that you can't escape, that strike you all over again when the smallest and strangest things remind you**

**A colour, a smell, the sound of some stranger's voice, a turn of phrase**

**It's exhausting, and terrifying**

**And frustrating, and isolating**

 

While yes...that happens...

_[delay]_

It's like it's still there. Talking. Whispering in my ear. 

_[long delay]_

It's hard to focus. Constant whispers. Things at the corner of my vision. 

Waking up at night with the ghost feeling of something on my arm just fading.

It's not just guilt. 

I'm crazy. And this time I don't have a century old being to blame for it.

Eichen is the best place for me.

 

**I don't think Eichen is the best place for anyone, Stiles**

**There is such a thing as a good psychiatric hospital, but Eichen isn't it**

**And crazy is a stupid word. None of us are really sane, I think - none of us are whole**

**What you're experiencing...it sounds very frightening, and I understand why you're trying to get away from it**

 

I can't take it anymore. At least they can make it go away. I won't be aware of it. I don't care. 

This isn't living. It's... not even surviving. 

It's just.. existing. With the ability to do nothing else. 

I can't.. I can't do it, Derek. I'm sorry.

 

**Stiles, please**

**You don't have to do it alone, just let me help you**

 

How can you help me, Derek? Tell me that everything is fine? 

You could be a damn figment of imagination.

I have no way of knowing if any of it is real. I don't even fully know if this conversation is real.

Or if I'm going to wake up on my bed, phone on the floor with nothing on it.

 

**You're reading, Stiles. You told me you can't read in dreams.**

**Stiles, if it helped, I would come over there and literally narrate to you everything I could see, hear, and otherwise sense**

**I would help you count your fingers a thousand times**

 

_[delay]_

Why? 

And you could but there's no way of knowing if that's real.

 

**Because you matter to me, Stiles**

**You're pack, the heart of my pack, no matter what you believe**

**There are ways to tell you are dreaming - I remember you telling me about them**

 

But it's all changed. I don't even remember what those were. And if they still apply.

I shouldn't be the heart of the pack. There's no way that.. A heart is what keeps everything... alive. That's not me. 

I tried to kill.. I did kill.

 

**No. You were made into a weapon, without your consent.**

**Every time you've had a choice, you've chosen to save us.**

 

I wish I had your faith.

 

**I have faith because you taught me how; I'm happy to return the favour in any way I can**

 

What am I supposed to do, Derek?

I can't. I don't want to anymore.

 

**Let me help you. /Please/**

 

How can you?

 

**I can be there. I can help you find ways to know you're awake, I can wake you up when you have nightmares. I can give you something to listen to other than its voice. I can reassure you that it's going to get better when you're frustrated and despairing - because it will, I promise. I can support you if you decide to look for a psychiatrist who'll prescribe you sleeping pills, or if you want to talk to Noshiko or Deaton about possible supernatural causes. Whatever you need, I'll do.**

**I couldn't live with myself if there was some way I could help you and I didn't**

 

You've already been trying to help. You all have. And I don't feel any different. And the only thing sleeping pills would do would be to trap me in my nightmares. 

Noshiko and Deaton... can read. I read about it all as well. What... What if they can't fix it? Or do anything? 

I already know what's happening. I'm losing. Mentally. Physically. It won. It's just a matter of time.

I want your help. I do. But I also don't want to endanger you. Especially you.

 

**Maybe they can't fix it, but maybe they can. As long as you're alive, there's always the possibility that we can make it better. You taught me that.**

**I don't care about the danger**

 

The alive part is the factor.

You should care. You have a pack to take care of.

 

**Stiles, please tell me you're not...**

**Scott can look after them**

 

I'm not. I'm just... letting nature do what it wants. Or whatever. 

I guess giving up would be another word.

 

**Stiles...**

**Stiles, I couldn't bear it if you died**

 

I'm technically alive right now. But.. I... most of me was gone the moment the Nogitsune...

 

**But we got you back**

**You think I was any more than technically alive after the fire? After Boyd died?**

 

You didn't watch your hands take your best friend's mate's life. 

You didn't see the horror on people's faces as they looked at you and yet you could do nothing other than watch. 

You didn't feel the... satisfaction of killing them.

 

**You're right, I didn't. I've been used before, but not like that.**

 

I can't forgive myself. Ever.

I can't live with those memories.

 

**I know how hard it is, I /do/ Stiles, I know what it's like to believe you're to blame for atrocities, but you /don't need to be forgiven/. You had no choice, so you deserve no blame. I know that sometimes there are things you can't forgive yourself for, but you have to know that /we/ forgive you - that we think there's nothing to forgive.**

**If you want...I think Peter knows a way to take memories from someone**

**It's normally used to share them, but...**

 

I...I don't know if that would help. But.. I do trust you, Derek. 

Part of me doesn't want to. But.. You've never shown me reason not to.

_[delay]_

If you think something will help...I'll try.

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to my collaborator who prompted this, and wrote Scott and Stiles. (For those who are curious, they were planning for Stiles to eventually get the bite.)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! (And sorry for the delay.)


	9. (Not) A Kick In The Emotional Balls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles kissed Derek, and it was the most awkward thing /ever/. Unfortunately, according to Scott, he can't just run away to Mexico: he has to actually talk to Derek about it. This is going to suck.
> 
> Pining Stiles, surprise kiss, demisexual Derek, relationship negotiation, fluff, overuse of the word 'cute', feat. Scott

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conversations with Scott on the left; conversation with Derek on the right; Derek is bold; Scott is italicized.

So. I need to move to Mexico

 

_What did you do?_

 

I...may have, um, kissed Derek?

 

_Oh. Wow. Dude, congrats. How was it?_

 

No, not congrats!

See aforementioned moving to Mexico!

He just...stared at me like I was completely nuts

And everything is completely awful and I feel like an idiot

And I'm moving to Mexico

So I never have to see his terrible amazing face ever

 

_But you kissed him. That's amazing! Was it good?_

 

 

Nooo, Scotty, you misunderstand the scope of the awful, dreadful, awkwardness of this kiss

He didn't even move!

He just...stood there!

And stared at me!

It was literally the most embarrassing thing to happen to me ever

Like, worse than the thing in third grade with the fish

 

_[delay]_

_Worse than the fish? Seriously? Wow._

 

Worse than the fish.

 

_I have to admit, it doesn't sound great.._

 

It was the /worst/, bro

Like, if he'd kicked me in the balls it would only be /slightly/ more bad

I've been kicked in the emotional balls, dude

I wouldn't recommend it

 

_I'll try to avoid it._

_But bro, what did you do? After the kiss?_

 

What do you think? I got the fuck out of there

 

_Seriously? Dude, that's not smart._

 

Scotty-boy. I had just had the most awkward, embarrassing kiss in the history of ever - an incident worse than even the thing with the fish - with a dude I have been pining /way/ too bad over, and got kicked in the emotional balls.

You think I was sticking around for things to get worse?

 

_You could have stuck around to smooth things out. Because you can't actually move to Mexico._

 

But Scott...

 

_I know, buddy. Believe me. But you have to see him again and what are you going to do then? That'll be even more awkward._

 

I don't even think it's possible

The universe would implode

Fuck, Scott, I've ruined everything

Why couldn't I have just pined forever?

I would have been fine

 

_At least now you can move on, right? If he rejects you, that is._

_You can't know for sure before you ask._

_It's not like you gave him a lot of time to react._

 

I was freaking out!

 

_Obviously._

 

I was like two inches from a panic attack when I got to the car!

 

_And now you're freaking out again._

 

Gee, you think?

I have been in a state of mild to severe freak-out ever since I fucking kissed him, Scott!

Calm is not a thing that exists!

 

_Maybe Derek was just surprised._

 

Pssh. No

Pretty sure it was rejection, dude

I mean, thanks for the effort, but

 

_Let's be real for a second._

_You're not very good at handling it when people care about you._

_And neither is Derek. Like, he's not used to it at all._

_So obviously he's surprised._

_No matter if he likes you or not._

 

And...?

 

_So you don't know if he's into you or not._

 

Dude, there is no way he's into me

It was a moment of crazy when I kissed him in the first place

[delay]

Do I really have to talk to him?

 

_Yeah, bro, you do._

 

Uggghh

This is the /worst/

You'd better be ready to console me with chips and video games after, dude

 

_Of course, man. Anytime._

 

Ugh. Wish me luck.

Getting kicked in the emotional balls: round two

 

_Good luck, bro._

\-----

I'm sorry about earlier

 

**You're pretty fast.**

 

...yeah, according to Scott I shouldn't have run. Sorry for that, too

 

**I wasn't aware you were into guys. Or was it just a spur of the moment thing?**

 

I am, and no, it wasn't

I'm, uh, bi

I'm not...I mean, I'm not /not/ out, I just, um, don't really talk about it

But yeah, I meant it

And obviously you didn't want it, so, sorry

 

**I was really surprised.**

**I'm not, uh, very physical in my relationships. At all, really. So it was weird. I was unprepared.**

**I'm not /not/ out, either.**

**I'm. Demisexual. Biromantic, I guess. Yeah.**

 

Oh

Um

Could you, uh, explain that, a bit?

Because I've definitely heard the word

But I might be remembering it wrong

And when the internet gets this shit wrong, it gets it /really/ wrong, so.

I mean, you don't have to

Just...if you don't mind?

 

**I don't really feel, like, sexually attracted to people. Unless I have a bond with them. A romantic bond, for me. It doesn't always happen. So I don't have a lot of sex with other people. Which I don't really mind.**

**Does that make sense?**

 

Yeah, I guess

Wow, now I feel even shittier about kissing you

 

**Yeah. But you apologized and it's okay. Kissing, I don't mind.**

 

Still. Surprise kisses - not actually a totally okay thing

 

**True.**

**But. Maybe not surprise kisses?**

**I don't know.**

 

What do you mean?

 

**If we kissed again. Without surprising each other.**

 

You...you would want that?

 

**Uh.**

**Is it a bad idea?**

**Maybe it is.**

 

No!

I just...

I was expecting another kick in the emotional balls

You kind of took me by surprise

 

**A kick in the - emotional balls?**

**Sorry. I didn't mean to.**

 

Yeah, well, I was the one who surprise-kissed you, so I deserve what I got

 

**I'll try to not do it again.**

 

Um...so...kissing? Not by surprise?

And whatever else you're comfortable with too, I'm good with whatever, just tell me where the lines are

 

**I'd like that.**

**I - my sex drive is not very high. That might be a problem, I guess..**

 

Dude, literally any sex is like ten huge steps up from where I am right now

I don't care if it's grinding on each other until we come in our pants once a month

Believe it or not, I'm not actually in this for the sex

 

**...You're not?**

 

No, dude, hence the kick in the /emotional/ balls

I mean, sex? Hypothetically, awesome.

Definitely looking forward to whenever I get to have it

But that's not why I kissed you

 

**Then why?**

 

[delay]

Because I have a ridiculous crush on you and you were being adorable and I just wanted to kiss your stupid amazing face

 

**Wow.**

 

Uh. Sorry.

 

**Don't apologise, Stiles. It mean a lot that you were willing to tell me.**

**It's really cute.**

 

...cute?

 

**'Stupid amazing face'.**

**You calling me adorable.**

**You having a crush on me.**

**I'm grinning like an idiot.**

 

...you are?

 

**Yeah.**

**[image attached: Derek's face, flushed, partially covered by a blanket, grinning]**

 

...I want to kiss you a lot right now

 

**Maybe you can come over tomorrow.**

 

And there can be not-surprise kisses?

 

**Yes.**

 

[image attached: Stiles' face, with an incredibly wide grin]

I'd like that a lot

 

**You're too cute.**

 

You're calling me cute a lot

 

**Would you rather I call you something else?**

 

Like what?

 

**I don't know. I just don't want to call you cute if you don't like it.**

 

No, it's...fine

No one's ever called me cute before

Or, well, not /recently/

Like, before puberty, sure, but that doesn't count

 

**Are you sure?**

**Because I can stop.**

**I can call you something else.**

 

It's okay, Derek, stop freaking out

Cute is fine

 

**Okay.**

**Sorry.**

**You - were hesitating, so I wasn't sure..**

**I'm sorry.**

 

Stop apologizing, you're fine

It's super endearing how worried you are and everything, but I'm kind of an untactful asshole without a brain-to-mouth filter - you'll know if something is bothering me

 

**Right. Good. I like that.**

 

Me blurting shit out?

 

**Yes. Honesty.**

 

That's a nice way to say it

And will you, uh, do the same?

 

**I'll do my best.**

 

Thanks

Obviously you talk less than me, but I can be kind of oblivious sometimes, and I really, really need to know if I'm fucking up

 

**I know. I'm not that good at speaking up. I'll try.**

 

Thanks. Because I really don't want to fuck this up

I want you happy

 

**I'd like us both to be happy.**

 

That's what I'm hoping for. Together, if possible

 

**Me too.**

 

I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?

 

**Tomorrow. It's a date.**

\-----

So I talked to Derek

 

_I have chips and video games. Do you need them?_

 

I'm not moving to Mexico anymore

 

_What happened?_

 

He thinks I'm cute

 

_Oh my god, dude. Wow. Derek thinks you're cute!_

 

And we agreed that surprise kisses were bad

But we both want some not-surprise kisses

 

_God, this is cute._

 

It's the /best thing/, dude

 

_So you're dating, now?_

 

Um, probably?

I'm seeing him tomorrow for not-surprise kisses and he called it a date

It wasn't exactly a DTR talk

 

_I guess you can have that. This is so exciting!_

 

It's so exciting

I am grinning so hard

He sent me a picture of him being all cute and blushing and I can't stop staring at it

 

_Stiles, cavities._

 

You totally don't ever get to talk, dude

You and Allison were terrifying

And you over-shared horrendously

Holy shit.

 

_Holy shit what?_

 

I will have stuff to overshare about

Not that I will

But the potential will be there!

 

_You're ridiculous._   


_This is really awesome, though._

_I'd be happy to listen to you overshare._

_Once. Maybe._

 

Nah. I get the feeling Derek would hate it if I did

He's a private kind of guy

 

_You're really considerate. It's weird, but I like it. And I think he'll appreciate it._

 

I'm not really.

Like, I'm sure I'll fuck up epically at some point

But I'm pretty sure Derek has like, a bajillion things about sex that he really cares about, so

 

_You think sex is super important to him?_

 

No, like, he's got issues and stuff

I'm guessing

But I know he'd never be casual about it, and knowing some of the shit that's gone down...

It's probably a sensitive topic

 

_Yeah, I get that. I mean, with Kate and Jennifer and everything._

_You have to be patient with Derek, I guess._

 

Waiting for him to talk about shit? Yeah

 

_But it's worth it for sure. And you two work pretty well together._

 

It is totally worth it

So long as trying to date doesn't fuck everything else up

Holy shit, I have a /date/ tomorrow!

 

_You have a date! We have to get Lydia to help you get dressed._

 

Oh god.

On the one hand, you're right, because I /will/ panic.

On the other hand, she continues to terrify me.

And she's going to dismiss every single thing I own as woefully inadequate

 

_And you'll have to go shopping last minute._

 

Derek already /knows/ how I look and dress, right?

We're not even going out, I'm just coming over

 

_True, true. But you want to look nice. We both know that._

 

I do

I need, like, all the flattering clothes just to be in the same league as him in ratty jeans and an old sweatshirt

 

_Do you really think he cares?_

 

He doesn't and it's awesome and he's great

But /I/ care

 

_We'll find something nice for you._

 

I have a date!

 

_Wanna come celebrate?_

 

Hell yeah!

You'll just have to cope with the cavities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And for a change of pace, after the last chapter...fluff.  
> Thank you so much to my co-author for Scott and Derek.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed it!


	10. A Little Too Much Hugging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles has bruises. Too many bruises, and Isaac can't figure out where they come from. Hopefully Derek will be able to fix it.
> 
>  
> 
> Hurt Stiles, h/c, insecure Stiles, post-S2 pack, insecure Derek, less angsty than it sounds, feat. Isaac

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Text conversations are with Isaac; Derek is bolded.

I'm worried about Stiles

 

**Why?**

 

He covers it up well, but he's always bruised

 

**Bruised? From lacrosse or something else?**

 

 

I don't think lacrosse would give him that many bruises

 

**What do you think it is?**

 

I'm not sure

It can't be accidental - even he's not that clumsy

 

**Have you told Scott? He might know what it is?**

 

I thought about it, but...Scott's never seemed to notice

 

**He's oblivious most of the time.**

 

Yeah

And I get the feeling Stiles is hiding it

Scott's not subtle, either

Derek...what if someone's hurting him?

 

**Have you brought it up with Stiles?**

**I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation**

**It's probably just his klutziness acting up.**

 

Well, when I commented on the bruise that covered half his /back/ when I saw it in the locker room, he just said, "yeah, that one's a doozy" and changed the subject

 

**It was that big?**

 

It was that big

And it's not...Derek I /know/ what bruises look like at different stages of healing, and what they feel like

 

**I know.**

 

It wasn't the only one, and he didn't get them all at once

And he keeps getting them

 

**I really want it to just be because he's clumsy.**

**But I have a bad feeling that's not it.**

 

I don't think it is

And even if he is just clumsy...he's got to be in pain

We shouldn't just ignore it

 

**Yeah, I know.**

**He obviously doesn't want to talk about it though.**

 

Not to me, at least

 

**I doubt he'll want to talk to anyone about it.**

**I don't know how any of us would bring it up without him closing himself off.**

 

[delay]

I know

He does so much for all of us

I don't like to think of him hurting

 

**Yeah, I don't like it either.**

 

Could you try? Maybe?

He actually talks to you

 

**I'll try.**

**I won't make any promises though, you know what he's like. Get too close to something serious and he jokes it off.**

 

I know

Just...thanks

 

**It's fine, you don't have to say thank you.**

 

I do. You didn't brush me off, you listened to me, and you're doing something about it.

That matters

 

**We're pack, that's what we're supposed to do.**

 

Then thanks for being pack, I guess

\-----

Derek was stood outside the Stilinski house twenty minutes later, awkwardly hovering by the front door. He was too used to simply using the window, but once the Sheriff had found out about his usual method of entering their home, he'd suggested that the wolf used the door for its intended purpose instead. And since saying no to the Sheriff wasn't high on his to-do list, Derek loudly knocked on the door, hoping that Stiles would actually come down to open it rather than just ignoring him. It might help give him a better idea of how much pain Stiles was in too, seeing him after he'd been forced to move.

 Stiles groaned when he heard the knock on the door. He'd _just_ gotten settled, jeans off, collapsed on his bed with his laptop plugged in and in easy reach. He didn't want to _move_. It probably wasn't important. Whoever it was would have texted him if it was important. Stiles spent a solid twenty seconds trying to convince himself of that before sighing, dragging himself out of bed (groaning like an old man the whole time, his back _ached_ today), pulling on a pair of sweatpants, and thudding down the steps to answer the door. "Derek," he said flatly when he saw who it was. " _Why_ are you here?"

"We need to talk," Derek countered, a few rapid blinks following the statement as the extent of Stiles' pain hit his senses, marring Stiles' usual scent. How hadn't he noticed it before now? Guilt twisted his stomach as he stepped inside, not bothering to wait for an invitation. He wasn't giving Stiles the chance to slam the door in his face - a chance that he would almost definitely take if Derek gave him the option.

"Rude!" Stiles exclaimed as Derek practically forced his way inside. "Man, I need to get some vampire friends who actually _respect my space_." Not that he really _wanted_ vampires to be real, but, y'know, Derek hated them on principle. "Also, it is impossible for us to have the break-up talk when there is no 'up' to break, so, seriously dude, why are you here?" Honestly. 'We need to talk'? Really Derek?

"Well, we do, so can you quit complaining about my word choice and just listen to me?" Derek countered, rolling his eyes - although, he was slightly worried it looked more fond than irritated, but he went with it anyway. "What's going on with you?" he asked finally, his voice losing the harsh edge it had held just moments ago, coming out much softer than Derek had imagined it could've. "You know you can tell me whatever it is. If something, or someone, is bothering you?"

Stiles frowned. What? "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked, confused. No, seriously, what? "No one is 'bothering' me. Heck, even the usual bullies have backed off thanks to my bizarrely affectionate wolf posse." Stiles would kind of like it if they were a little _less_ affectionate, to tell the truth. They didn't seem to realize that what seemed to them like a 'tight' hug registered to Stiles as 'strangling', or that a 'friendly' slap on the back or punch on the arm actually _hurt_. Which he kind of understood, since he was just about the only human they hung out with. And he appreciated the intent. The bruises sucked, though.

"Really? Nothing's wrong? So, if I do this," Derek moved closer, lightly placing a hand on Stiles' arm and starting to take some of the pain away, his veins turning black with the effort. "Nothing's going to happen?" He challenged, raising an eyebrow as he watched Stiles' reaction. He wasn't in the mood to tip toe around Stiles, he wanted to get straight to the point to fix whatever was happening. Besides, if Stiles got mad at him then it wouldn't affect the rest of the pack - Stiles was almost always mad at him, they were used to it by now.

Stiles unconsciously relaxed for a couple of seconds - holy shit it felt so _good_ to not be in pain - before he realized what was happening and yanked his arm back. "Hey," he protested. "Dude, not cool! That's a) an invasion of privacy, and b) you're totally supposed to ask first! Consent to medical treatment is like, a thing, and it totally applies to supernatural stuff as well as more everyday treatments, and..." He let himself babble, trying to figure out how _Derek_ had figured out something was going on. Seriously, he'd been doing so well - he'd managed to hide the bruises for ages!

"I'm going to ask you again, and you aren't going to lie to me this time. What's going on with you?" Derek countered, ignoring Stiles' babbling in favour of getting back to the point. This was getting out of hand - Stiles had practically _sagged_ when Derek had started taking the pain from him, whatever was going on had to be dealt with. It should've been dealt with long before that moment.

"Nothing's going on, Derek," Stiles protested. "Seriously. Much as I appreciate the pain-drain, I'm fine." And he _was_ fine. A little bruised, yeah, but fine. He could deal. It wasn't like it was serious. No one was actively _hurting_ him or anything. He just...wasn't quite as resilient as they thought he was. It was a compliment, really.

"If everything was _fine_ , you wouldn't be covered in bruises, Stiles. So what is it?" Derek retorted, hesitating before holding his hand out, silently offering to take away more of the pain rather than just doing it like he wanted to. "Please?" he added hopefully, momentarily wishing he had mastered the puppy-eyed look that Scott used whenever he wanted something. Even he had trouble saying no to Scott's puppy eyes; they'd be pretty useful right now.

Stiles snorted. "Dude, you can _not_ do pleading with that face. Don't even try." It was kind of cute that he'd even attempted it. Stiles looked at him for a minute. He must be _really_ worried. Seriously, what did he think was going on? At last Stiles rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well, saying no would be both stupid and ineffective, and since you're offering..." He trailed off meaningfully, amused to see the way Derek perked up. "But not in the doorway. Come on." He led Derek to the living room, and flopped down on the couch.

 

"I could plead if I really wanted to," Derek muttered, relaxing once Stiles had agreed to tell him what was going on. At least he could stop worrying, could work towards fixing what was going on. He sat down on the couch beside Stiles, turning a little so that he was facing the human. "So, what is it?"

"You mean the bruises, right?" Stiles confirmed, stalling. Secrecy was kind of a habit for him now - and he hadn't wanted to deal with the guilt-fest he just _knew_ he'd be subjected to if the others found out - and it was a habit that was kind of hard to break.

"Yes, Stiles, I mean the bruises," Derek replied. He hesitated, then offered his hand again, since he hated the idea that Stiles was just sitting there in pain with nothing to help take away at least a little of it. "How'd you get them?"

Stiles took Derek's hand gratefully, sighing with relief as the pain began to drain away. Wow. It was making him kind of woozy, actually. Endorphin rush? He flapped a hand. "You guys are too huggy," he said nonchalantly. "Don't know your own strength," he added, figuring that first bit probably didn't make sense as an explanation on his own.

"You should've said something," Derek replied, shaking his head a little as he kept taking the pain from Stiles. At least there was no one hurting Stiles on purpose, it was just their own idiot pack causing problems.

Stiles shrugged lazily. This pain drain felt _really_ good. "Nah," he said. "They'd just get all angst-y and mope-y and guilt-y and it'd suck for everyone." And Scott and Isaac would give him puppy eyes, and Erica would get quiet, and Boyd would be all stern, and Jackson would start pretending he'd never even /met/ Stiles, and...it would suck. A lot. "It's not a big deal."

"Stiles, you're covered in bruises. Really, big bruises. It's better that they mope for a few days than you end up breaking something," Derek protested, his eyebrows furrowed as he watched Stiles.

"How do you know, anyway?" Stiles asked curiously. "It's not like they're on display." He frowned. Actually, that was really weird. He was wearing long sleeves pretty much constantly, these days. "Have you been spying on me or something?"

"I have better things to do with my time than spy on you, Stiles," Derek countered, rolling his eyes. "Isaac told me. He said he was worried about you," he added, since he didn't see any point in hiding it from Stiles. He'd figure it out eventually anyway.

A smile spread across Stiles' face. "Aww, Isaac was worried about me?" he said, delighted. "He's such a puppy." With his smiles and his curls and his big blue eyes and his secret love of hugs. "I think he's my new favourite."

"Better not let Scott hear you say that," Derek joked with a small smirk, although Derek had to agree that if he was forced to choose, Isaac would probably be his favourite too.

 Stiles made a disparaging noise. "Different list." Scott was family, not pack. There was no point ranking the betas against him. And Scott hadn't been as attentive lately anyway. "Isaac's my favourite puppy." Distantly, he noted that he was _really_ feeling woozy. Kind of high, actually. "This pain-drain thing is _weird_ ," he commented.

"Do you want me to stop?" Derek asked, already starting to loosen his grip on Stiles' hand in case he'd taken too much. Although, he imagined with the amount of pain Stiles was in, taking 'too much' was a pretty big goal.

"Nah, it's good," Stiles protested, clutching Derek's hand a little tighter. "I'm just...kinda high. It's cool, don't worry about it." He wasn't sure if his reassurances were _effective_ , but he tried.

"Okay...well, tell me when you want me to stop then," Derek replied, letting Stiles grip onto his hand.

"Is never an option?" Stiles asked jokingly. "Man, I forgot how good it felt to not be in pain."

Derek was talking to the pack whether Stiles liked it or not - he didn't care how mopey or grumbly they got, _this_ was not fair. Stiles was human and breakable and...Derek just couldn't let this go on.

 

"Hey, no." Derek was getting all frowny and sad, Stiles could see it. That wasn't okay. Derek shouldn't be sad. He reached out to smooth the wrinkles from Derek's forehead. "Better," he said approvingly. "You shouldn't be frowning. Everything's fine."

Derek smirked faintly when he felt Stiles smoothing away the furrow between his eyebrows. Almost-high Stiles was kind of cute, not that Derek would ever admit that out loud. "Yeah, I know."

"Good," said Stiles, nodding firmly. "No frowning. Don't be sad." Derek had been sad too much. Stiles didn't like it.

"I'm not sad, don't worry about it," Derek reassured him, shaking his head a little. "Just, you know...focus on yourself for a little bit."

Stiles looked down at his chest, then back up, confused. "Why?" He was fine. Great, even.

"Because you spend too much time worrying about other people, you should have a little you-time at some point," Derek countered with a light shrug.

Stiles made a face. "I don't like me-time," he admitted. Normally he wouldn't talk about this, but right now he didn't care so much. "Worrying about other people is better."

Derek couldn't help it when his eyebrows furrowed in response to that. "What do you mean?"

"When I'm worrying about other people I'm not catastrophising, or freaking out about the future, or thinking about my mom, or about how much I suck, or whatever," Stiles explained, drawing patterns on Derek's arm with his free hand. "I'm very distractable, it helps to have multiple people to distract myself with"

"You don't suck," Derek countered, since it was the only one out of the issues he could attempt to talk away. "You're probably the best out of all of us," he murmured, watching as Stiles focused himself with tracing patterns onto the wolf's skin.

"You're sweet," Stiles said, surprised. It's not like Derek needed to lie to him about that. "That's really nice of you to say." He obviously _wasn't_ , but it was sweet anyway.

_Sweet_ wasn't a word often associated with Derek, and he shook his head a little when he heard Stiles use it in that moment. He wasn't sweet. "You are though. You just...you take all of this supernatural crap in your stride when other people would run. You look after all of us, even though your life would be ten times easier if you just walked away and left us to rot," he continued softly, needing Stiles to believe him, since he could tell he didn't.

 

Stiles frowned. "I couldn't do that," he protested. Walk away from the pack? "I couldn't leave you and Scotty and Isaac and Catwoman and Boyd! Or Jackson," he added as an afterthought. Jackson was getting better, since the whole kanima thing. He was almost not a douche now. "It's not like you really _need_ me, but I still couldn't just _leave._ "

"I don't think you understand how much we _do_ need you," Derek countered with a slight shake of his head. "You do so much for us all the time, and you don't even...I don't even think you know that you're doing it half the time."

Stiles shrugged. "I'm just trying to be useful," he demurred. All he did was just...tag along, you know? Look stuff up. Be friendly. Make dinner now and then. "I can't do much for you guys in a fight, so I try to be helpful the rest of the time"

"Stop trying to belittle it. You do so much for us, all of us, even..." Even Derek, who had done very little to deserve anything that Stiles had done for him.

Stiles frowned again. "But I don't, though! I just, y'know...show up. Pester you. Whatever." What was Derek even talking about?

Derek just shook his head a little - apparently Stiles was impossible to reason with, even if he was pretty much high. He shouldn't be surprised. "You do more than you think, just trust me for once, okay?"

"I always trust you," Stiles protested. "I just don't get it." He was sulking a bit. He didn't like it when Derek refused to explain things. Still, Derek was being nice tonight. So Stiles would shut up.

"You do not," Derek half teased with a faint smirk. "If you trusted me you wouldn't argue with me as much as you do," he pointed out.

Stiles pouted. "I do trust you," he countered. "I just don't trust you not to be stupid." And self-sacrificing and weirdly devoted to solutions that involved punching.

Derek merely hummed in response, breaking off into a soft chuckle as Stiles continued to pout at him.

"What? Don't laugh!" Stiles protested. Why was Derek laughing at him? That wasn't nice. "I take it back, you're not nice."

"You nicknamed me Sourwolf for a reason," Derek reminded him with a small smile, lightly shrugging. "Besides, it wasn't a bad laugh anyway."

"You were laughing at me," Stiles said, sulking a little. He didn't like being laughed at.

"I was laughing cause of that stupid, cute pout," Derek muttered, deciding that Stiles would just assume he'd imagined Derek referring to him as 'cute' when he was no longer high from being drained of pain.

"I wasn't pouting!" Stiles protested. He may have been frowning, but the expression on his face had in no way been a pout.

Yes, you were," Derek promised with a small nod. "You were pouting. Like Isaac when he realises Scott's eaten the last of the chocolate again."

Isaac looked so cute when he did that. "He makes the most adorable face," Stiles said dreamily. "Like, he doesn't want to be angry at Scott, 'cause he loves Scott with a deep, abiding, probably platonic love, but he looks so _betrayed_."

"Mhmm. That's what you looked like two minutes ago," Derek reiterated, using his free hand to lightly trace patterns on the back of Stiles' hand.

He had not! Stiles went to cross his arms so as to emphasise his glare of disapproval, then realized Derek was still holding his hand. "I - oh. Sorry."

"It's fine," Derek murmured, wondering if he was supposed to let go of Stiles' hand now. He didn't really want to, if he was totally honest with himself. He sighed, reluctantly starting to let go of Stiles' hand.

 

Stiles bit his lip, sobering up a little as the pain began to leak back in. He guessed Derek had taken as much as he could right now - it's not like the pain-drain was going to last forever. "Um...thanks," he muttered. "That was...it was nice of you to do that."

"Any time," Derek replied with a light shrug. "Although, uh...I'd rather you just try not to get bruised up in future."

"What, have a hands-off policy with everyone?" Stiles asked sharply. "No thanks."

"I'm not saying that. Just...tell them to lighten up a little," if things didn't change Derek planned on telling them anyway, but it would be easier if Stiles did it.

"But Dereeeek," Stiles said in a whine. "They'll just get all weird about it." Until they forgot. Which they probably would. The bruises would traumatise Scott for a while, but he'd forget pretty quickly.

"I don't care. I don't mind dealing with a bunch of mopey wolves if it means that you aren't always covered in bruises," Derek retorted, attempting but most likely failing to appear nonchalant about the whole thing.

Stiles sighed. He could tell where this was going. Derek wasn't going to let him get away without saying anything. "But I _like_ hugs," he muttered.

"You can have hugs without pain," Derek reminded him. "Hugs are _supposed_ to be painless."

"Yeah, but they'll all be too nervous to hug me," Stiles countered, although he winced a little at Derek's reminder of how abnormal his standards had gotten.

"You don't have to make a big deal about it, just...just mention next time they hug you too hard. I'm not saying show them your bruises, just tell them to lighten up a little," Derek countered.

"Yeah, but...I don't want to nag," Stiles protested weakly. "It's not their fault I'm human."

"Stiles, please. Just tell them next time they hurt you, it's the only way they'll ever lighten up," Derek replied, once again wishing he had Scott's puppy-eyes-power.

Stiles sighed. "Fine," he groaned. "But /you/ are taking the blame when this all goes pear-shaped. I _will_ say 'I told you so'."

"I'd be worried if you didn't," Derek retorted with a small smirk, tipping his head back until it was lightly resting against the back of the couch.

Stiles pulled a face.

 

They sat in silence for a little while, Stiles thinking over the evening. "Thanks," he said at last. "For caring. And, just so you know," he added. "You never hurt me."

"S'fine, we're pack. Caring's part of the deal," he murmured, slightly echoing the same thing he'd said to Isaac earlier. "Okay. That's good. I suppose I've been like this for longer, I know my own strength better," he mused softly.

Stiles smiled wryly. "I assumed you got taught as a kid, how to hide, how to play with human children." Scott, Isaac, and Jackson had gotten a few lessons on moderating their strength for lacrosse, but they still weren't at human level.

"How to blend in 101," Derek agreed quietly, nodding a little. "You assumed right."

"You should teach the others," Stiles mused. "They aren't subtle. The boys get away with a lot, but Erica gets looks."

"Yeah. I'll bring it up next time we're training," Derek agreed softly, wondering how well it was going to turn out.

"Just don't..." Stiles sighed, searching for the right words. "Don't be mean to them about it, okay? They didn't know they were hurting me."

"I'm not that much of an asshole, Stiles. They're already gonna feel bed when they realise, I'm not gonna add to it," he muttered with a quiet sigh.

Stiles sat up quickly, wincing a little, then reached for Derek. "No, it's not that you're an asshole," he protested. "It's...I think you forget how they see you sometimes, is all." Stiles could remember how Derek had been as a beta - using an intimidating posture and glare to get people (like Stiles and Scott) that he was just one guy, and a young one at that. Now that he was an alpha, he had presence too, but he hadn't lost those old habits, and it combined to make him, well... "You're very much the big bad alpha," Stiles tried to explain.

"That's just the nice way of saying I'm a strict asshole," Derek joked, keeping his faze focused on Stiles' ceiling. He hated it, the kind of Alpha he was. The way any member of the pack would almost light up with surprise when he did anything kind or gentle, or the fact that he knew they usually came to him with their problems as a last resort rather than a first. So unlike his mom, unlike Laura...but he didn't know how to change into the kind of Alpha he wanted to be.

"That's not what I meant!" Stiles exclaimed, frustrated. "It's just...dammit, Derek." Stiles rubbed a hand down his face. "Your alphas were your family. You interacted with them like family. But these guys...you're their mentor, or their teacher, or their savior, or their boss." Except Scott, but he was a special case. "It's not that you're strict, it's just...they can't not see the authority you have."

Derek nodded, moving so that he was leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees, turning his gaze to Stiles' floor. "Yeah. Yeah, I know," he murmured, dropping his head into his hands. He was never supposed to do this. The thought tormented him daily - he was never supposed to be the Alpha. That if he hadn't been such a stupid kid, he wouldn't be in this position.

"Hey, no," Stiles said in dismay. Derek looked...weary. Sad. Drained. Stiles moved over so he could put an arm around his shoulders. "What's wrong, big guy?" he murmured.

"I was never...I wasn't supposed to do this. Be an Alpha," Derek murmured, shaking his head a little as he kept his face hidden in his hands.

Stiles closed his eyes and swore internally. Fuck. "You're doing a pretty good job," he reassured, rubbing Derek's shoulder. He didn't know how to fix this.

Derek remained silent, since he didn't agree and knew that if he voiced that disagreement Stiles would just get frustrated again.

Stiles bit his lip when Derek didn't answer. He knew what that kind of silence meant. "You've done so much for those guys, you know? You could have picked anyone for your pack, you could have found strong people, fighters, or popular people, or whatever you wanted - but what you wanted, what you chose, was people who needed you, who needed a pack, and you helped _make_ them strong. It's not the bite that did that. It's all you."

"Thanks," Derek murmured, slowly dropping his hands from his face. He still wasn't convinced, but it was kind of nice to hear Stiles say it anyway.

Stiles sighed. "You're working with a natural disadvantage," he pointed out. "Family doesn't happen overnight. We'll get there," he promised. "We're _already_ getting there."

Derek nodded a little, lightly crossing his arms over himself. "Yeah, I know," he murmured with a tired sigh.

 

"Hey," Stiles murmured coaxingly. "Come on, tell me what's bothering you, Sourwolf. Let me help."

"I don't...I don't wanna be the big bad Alpha," Derek murmured, his gaze still focused on the floor as he made himself talk. "I want you all to...to feel okay talking to me, about asking for help. For it to not be so surprising when I do something _nice_ , I just..." he trailed off, slightly tightening his arms around himself.

"Oh, Derek," Stiles said with a sigh. "Here, turn around, you're getting a hug for that." Stiles was absolutely _sure_ Derek didn't get enough hugs these days. "It won't always be that way."

Derek hesitated before doing as Stiles asked, turning around and uncrossing his arms, although he couldn't quite make himself look at Stiles.

Stiles' heart ached a bit to see Derek so tentative about a simple hug. It was no wonder the betas found him unapproachable - he didn't seem to know how to be close to people anymore. Stiles pulled him into a tight embrace, the sort of hug he and his dad had always shared as reassurance and comfort after something went wrong.

Derek carefully wrapped his arms around Stiles, worried about accidentally hitting any of his bruises as he hugged him. He closed his eyes, shifting a little so he could hide his face in Stiles' shoulder.

Derek's hold was gentle, and Stiles knew he was still thinking about the hidden bruises. Stiles wasn't nearly as careful. He hugged Derek tight, until his ribs creaked, squeezing a little extra now and then, for a long, long time before he let go.

"Thank you," Derek mumbled, his voice muffled by Stiles' tshirt, before he pulled away.

"Anytime," Stiles promised. "Really. Stilinski hugs, freely available to all pack members. You only have to ask." He hitched a shoulder, thinking that Derek might feel weird about asking for a hug. "Or just, like, grab me. It's cool."

Derek nodded slightly, a small smile on his face. "Yeah. Duly noted," he replied.

Stiles nodded back, firmly. "Good. Don't forget it." He smiled a little. "You're a good alpha, Derek. You love those guys, and it shows. You'll get the hang of it."

"You know this is what I was talking about earlier, right? When I said you do a lot more for us than you realise?" Derek retorted.

Stiles made a face. "Hugs and pep talks?" He supposed he could see Derek's point. Slightly.

"I meant making people feel better, but sure, that too," Derek countered with a light shrug.

"I was right, you are sweet," Stiles teased, inwardly moved by Derek's words. "Well, you make people feel safe, so I think we're square."

Derek hummed in reply, a small smile on his face as he nodded. "Isaac," he muttered suddenly, quickly bringing his phone out so he could text the beta, reassuring him that he didn't have to worry about Stiles or his bruises.

 

**I talked to Stiles. Everything is fine, you don't need to worry.**

 

What was causing the bruises then?

 

**[delay]**

**Some of us were forgetting he hasn't got werewolf strength.**

**You don't have to stop hugging him or whatever, we just have to lighten up a little, that's all.**

 

It's our fault?

We were hurting him?

 

**Isaac, it's okay.**

 

It's not really

...tell him I'm sorry?

 

**Okay.**

 

Thanks, Derek

 

**Don't worry about it.**

 

You're looking after him, right?

 

**Yeah, of course.**

 

Then I won't

 

**Good.**

 

Stiles smiled as he watched Derek texting back and forth with Isaac. Of all the betas, Isaac probably depended on Derek the most, and Stiles thought Derek understood him best. "Reassured him to both your satisfaction?" Stiles asked when Derek put away his phone.

"Mhmm. He said he's sorry, if he ever hurt you," Derek told him, tucking his phone back into his pocket. "But he's not worried anymore, so," he lightly shrugged, considering it a win.

"Oh god," Stiles said as a thought struck him. "I didn't realize before...what did he think was happening?"

"He thought...that someone might be hurting you," Derek admitted. "That's why it was the first thing I asked you when I got here," he added.

"Oh god." It hadn't even really registered...but Isaac...if he'd seen..."Fuck, he must have been so worried," Stiles muttered. "He would have...god...what, he saw me in the locker room?" And he had that huge one on his back this week, too.

"Yeah. Said bruises were covering about half of your back," Derek replied with a slight nod.

"Fuck," Stiles said, dropping his head into his hands. "God, I owe him so many hugs, that must have been horrible for him."

"Hey," Derek reached out to place his hand on Stiles' shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "He knows you're okay now, that's what's important."

"Well, yeah, but now I feel stupid for traumatizing Isaac in an effort not to traumatise Scott, so." Stiles said.

"Nobody's traumatised, Stiles," Derek reminded him.

"I'm starting to think I am," Stiles muttered. " _God_ , this is such a mess." He sighed. "I blame Scott," he said eventually.

"That's usually what I do, although why are you blaming him?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.

Stiles snorted a little at Derek's comment. "Because I got used to giving him leeway when he was learning, and I never got around to calling him on it," he explained. "He gave me bad habits."

"Okay, fair enough, let's blame Scott then," Derek replied, gently squeezing Stiles' shoulder again before letting go.

 

Stiles bit his lip, hesitating, then spoke up again. "Derek...with the alpha thing...is there anything I can do to help?"

Derek shook his head. "Not unless you have a manual on how to be a good alpha hidden up in your room somewhere," he joked.

"Give me a few days and an internet connection, I'm sure I could come up with something," Stiles shot back.

Derek huffed out a laugh - he'd walked right into that one. "You probably could," he agreed. Stiles' research abilities would never cease to amaze him.

"I don't imagine you'd listen if I did," Stiles pointed out. Derek wasn't great at taking other people's advice, although he was improving.

"You might have a point there," Derek murmured. He really was terrible at taking other people's advice, no matter how hard he tried to get better at it.

"It's not like I could point to anything specific you should do differently," Stiles said, shrugging. It was kind of an attitude thing, but it seemed really awful to just tell Derek to _be_ different.

"It's fine, Stiles, don't worry about it. I'll figure out what to do somehow," he replied. It might take a while, but he'd get there. Or at least, as close to there as he possibly could.

"I always worry," Stiles said dismissively. "It's my thing." More sincerely he added, "Just...ask, okay? If you need advice, or help, or someone to be grumpy around who won't take it to heart."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay, I'll ask," Derek promised. "It goes both ways though. You can, you know, ask me for whatever you want."

Stiles smiled at him. "You're good people, you know that, Derek?"

"I try," Derek countered. He didn't always succeed, but at least he tried.

Stiles rested his hand on Derek's arm. "You do better than try."

"Thanks," Derek countered with a small smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my collaborator for Derek. I hope you all enjoyed it!


End file.
